Olivia_D, this sounds potentially scary. Seems serious precaution should be taken. Your situation is very different than mine so please read the book mentioned below with your scenario in mind. My ex became very threatening/harrassing/stalking. While I did not know him to be violent, he was threatening me so I had to assume I was at risk and act accordingly. People can snap so safety had to come first. I had put my head in the sand enough within the r/s. I wasn't willing to continue to do so post-b/u. Some things to consider:
1) Get a credit freeze by all three credit bureaus (Equifax, TransUnion, Experian). Each one will charge about $3 to do so but that way they cannot mess with your credit. DO NOT LOSE YOUR PIN AS YOU MUST HAVE IT TO UN-FREEZE CREDIT.
2) Change all of your passwords to EVERY account and check settings for all social media. There is a great, free password vault called LastPass that will create passwords even YOU can't remember. So would be very hard for someone else to figure out. I actually opted for the $12 version which I believe is a lifetime membership but I think the free version can help a lot too. Get computer and phone checked for spyware. Get new ones if you can.
3) Set a google alert online with your name, business name, etc so if she posts something about you, you'll know about it (
www.google.com/alerts)
4)
START AND KEEP A LOG OF ALL CONTACTS AND/OR WEIRD ACTIVITY LIKE TODAY by with date, time, description of event, witnesses, your response, police report #s and officers names, etc. Of course, keep any documentation, i.e. emails/txt messages/photos (i.e. of your face with the red slash mark). BEST RESPONSE IS NO RESPONSE. 5) If voicemails are left, you can keep them forever at voicemailsforever.com. This service is free up to a point and then you can join for $20.
6) I got the Blacklist app (free) so all of my ex's calls went straight to voicemail. I could not have answered even if I wanted to. I did not want him to have any access to me but needed to stay apprised of where he was mentally/emotionally so I could respond accordingly.
7) The book
The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker gave me sanity throughout the ordeal.
There is much needed discussion on the use of restraining orders. While they are the conventional wisdom and the go-to response for many, they need to be carefully considered. That said, criminal activity that isn't exclusively about the r/s, i.e. slashing tires vs harassing contact, needs to be reported (according to de Becker). This is a great book in general.
Please read with YOUR situation in mind. 8) de Becker also has a threat assessment tool that is free:
www.oprah.com/oprahshow/MOSAIC-Gavin-de-Beckers-Online-Threat-Assessment-Tool9) I told all of my family what was going on which was somewhat embarrassing for me but amazingly helpful. My sisters and I talked many times daily. Not sure how I would have gotten through this without them.
10) Sounds like you need to probably alert HR at work.
11) Change locks to house, garage, office, car. Get a locking gas cap for vehicle.
This may or may not feel appropriate, but these are the things I immediately did to protect myself. I had to err on the side of safety. I will send you a longer guide privately.
Be smart. Listen to your gut!
