through the furnace

[morningagain]

only to find there is little left of me.

do not want what i had.

do not want what I have.

do not want any future i can realistically imagine.

2 and a half plus years out.  lots of progress and healing, detachment, learning, reflection, introspection, self-awareness, deeply accepting my role, etc.

anybody else this exhausted?  shouldn't i feel SOME invigoration?  sigh.  took an effort capitalize 'some'

What IS this?

[Tim300]

You're 2.5 years out, congrats.  How long were you in it?

[morningagain]

tim,

somewhere around 10 years.

'congrats' rings hollow.  nothing to congratulate me for.  was a wreck then, am still now.

[Tim300]

Are you better off than you were a couple years ago?  When did you pick up on BPD?

[Lucky Jim]

Hey michael999, I can relate, having recently gone through a divorce from my BPDxW.  I've lost a lot, no doubt, but to me, it's helpful to focus on what remains.  Suggest you pay attention to small desires, which provide clues to things you really like.  Maybe a song sounds good on the radio; maybe the sunset is particularly beautiful; maybe you meet someone who you find intriguing; maybe you read a book that you really like.  You get the idea.  See if you can come up with some of these things on your own.  LuckyJim

[Suzn]

Hi Michael, it's good to see you.  

2 and a half plus years out.  lots of progress and healing, detachment, learning, reflection, introspection, self-awareness, deeply accepting my role, etc.

anybody else this exhausted?  

Sounds like a LOT of hard work. Self work has it's rewards however you can overdo a good thing. Where are you taking breaks? Meaning what are you doing to get back out there? Hobbies? Friends? Church? Are you isolating?

I have learned that I need to get out with a friend, dinner, a movie, something, at least once a week or every two weeks.