Self-fulfilling prophecies

[misty_red]

Well, you know how they sometimes say that things happen for a reason? I had such a thing going on the last days.

Whilst I really did good in detaching I still let open one last door for my exBPDgf. One tiny little hope that she might reach out to me via smartphone remained. I had thought of changing my number but I thought I wouldn’t be ready for that. I thought it would kill me to close the last door, to cut off the last link to her. But I also knew it would be the best thing to do. Yet I couldn’t do it.

Well, this week my phone died. I had no more warranty on it so I decided to sign a new phone contract (I could resign the old) to get a new phone. But to do so they had to give me a new number. Otherwise it wouldn’t have worked. So I changed my number. And I actually am totally fine with her not being able to reach out to me anymore. I also have no pictures of her anymore, no messages etc. I didn’t have them obviously on my old phone to see them, but they were somehow back-upped. But now, poof, everything is gone.

Some weeks ago I wrote something about thinking how you might feel and how you actually feel and said that this is a big difference and this incident proved it once again. I always thought I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t close the last door because I thought it would kill me but then I had to do it and I’m totally fine. It actually feels good to finally let go of this chapter and start a new one. I know, it’s just a phone number but we communicated so much via this number and it was very symbolic for this relationship – and now it is gone. And it’s good.

I just wanted to share this tiny little bit.

Don’t always believe your thoughts. They sometimes lie and tell you this or that when in reality it is different. Or let me put it another way: if you think that you’ll be hurting you will – self-fulfilling prophecy. Sometimes we should just act and do and not always overthink everything. It doesn’t mean we should act on impulse. It also doesn’t mean that thinking is wrong or stupid. No, we need to think a lot to reflect on what’s happened, but there comes a point when you actually have to just let your feelings come and not first think on everything that might happen or not.

There have been some incidents where I was forced to do things I actually didn’t want to do but in the end all of them helped me in detaching. And I’m glad it turned like that.

I think one oft he most dangerous things that keep people stuck and attached is the thought that we will never be happy again, that we can’t live without them. We create our own feelings. But i fit happens this way it also happens the other. As Peter Pan used to say: think happy thoughts! 

[Reforming]

Hi Misty,

It sounds like you're feeling a sense of closure, which can be very liberating.

"I think one oft he most dangerous things that keep people stuck and attached is the thought that we will never be happy again, that we can’t live without them."

I agree that letting go can feel very frightening for all the reasons explored in the 10 Beliefs that can you get stuck. I'm sure you've already read it - I found I needed to review it periodically to help me reframe my thinking when I slipped in unhealthy ruminations.

https://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a109.htm#1

I didn't block my ex on my mobile, though I did unfriend and block her on FB. I did this because our breakup felt so raw that any interaction was painful and I needed to help myself detach.

I don't know if you been following this thread, but there's an interesting discussion on NC, which I found very interesting.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=275714.0

Hope your new phone is cool

Reforming