Why do I feel worthless

[confusedinWI]

A lot of you know my backstory but I'm just feeling really bad today. I suffered a lot in my r/s with ex gf, put up with lots of verbal abuse, emotional abuse, being kicked twice during her drunken arguments, her hiding her drinking and being inappropriate drunk sometimes in front of my kids on the nights they stayed their. Walking on eggshells, feeling like I was being forced to choose between her and my children. My daughter this morning told me the night my ex gf sent the hurtful message to the kids about their mom my daughter wanted to curl up in her bed and cry. My daughter said then it was like she didn't even know who the ex was.

I accept my responsibility that I didn't establish and really enforce my boundaries but it still didn't give her the right to treat me with disrespect and be controlling and nagging. She woukd take things to the extreme, have anger outbursts where she broke stuff, sometimes say things like "now i see why your ex wife divorced you." I didn't have a good sense of worth or validation at end of relationship that's why I stayed so long. I was afraid to be alone once we lived together.

But like others she could also be do sweet, say amazing things even though actions weren't on same page, we were intimate and she never withheld affection, we could have great moments together that it seemed to bond us.

This is the same woman that caused such an action to force the break up that once I had to act she threatened suicide over losing me and my two kids, then four days later she's texting a different man.

Why do I feel worthless like I'm the broke one now when I'm trying to take the time to heal me she moved right on. How she can go from being with "her forever love" of two years to just date someone before I even moved out, why am I grieving her?

I hate myself for it. It's been three months since we've broje up and I want to feel like the amazing man I know I am. The man that gave her the Googly eyes.

I wanted my love to be returned like how I took care of her. Their is no chance if us ever working but I hate that's she's with someone else that he's getting that honeymoon treatment right now. More than anything I wonder maybe she will work it out with this guy, maybe he won't get the bad but just all the good.

I feel like a bomb went off inside me, I can't even imagining wanting to date, but the worse feeling is having my kids heart get broken by her without remorse on her part.

I wish I didn't even think of the good times we had. I just want to think of watching her drink and hoping that this night, when the kids were there, that she wouldn't get drunk and start a fight and yell and emotionally split me.

Ugh I hate that I think of the good times and yearn for her good person again. Why am I so worthless?

[enlighten me]

We feel worthless because we bought into their idolisation. They raised us up on a pedestal and we liked it. They then smashed it from under us. These opposing opinions of us are confusing and leave us doubting our true worth. I must be worthless as no one would treat anyone of any worth like ive been treated.

Its not your self worth they were beating up it was their own being projected onto you. Yes we made mistakes. I will never forgive myself for what my sons went through. Even though I let things happen It doesnt mean im a bad dad. It just means i made some mistakes which ive learnt from.

[Olivia_D]

It's like Stockholm Syndrome where the victims sympathize / believe that the captors viewpoints are accurate. The self-doubt is a powerful mind game that makes you doubt your very worth. The biggest challenge for me is self-doubt and no longer trusting my own judgment.  However, a PD only pick people with qualities they want within themselves as they need your identity to have one of their own.  Obviously, you have positive, loving traits or you wouldn't have been on he the PD radar, at all. It's a twisted compliment but still a compliment to your strengths.

[fromheeltoheal]

Hey confused-

Other folks are focusing on relationships with borderlines, but let me throw in:

Why am I so worthless?

is a disempowering question.  When you ask your brain that it will come up with all kinds of reasons why you're worthless: well, you're fat, you're stupid, you're ugly, your mother doesn't love you, blah, blah, blah, on and on disempowering crap.

But what if you asked your brain some quality questions like:

What's good about this?

What can I do right now to start taking my power back?

What can I learn from this?

What am I looking forward to?

How can I use this experience to grow?

It may sound silly but a directed mind is a powerful thing; try asking them to yourself, totally seriously, and a little playfully, to see what your brain comes up with.  And what other quality questions can you think of?

[Irish Pride]

Hey confused-

Other folks are focusing on relationships with borderlines, but let me throw in:

Why am I so worthless?

is a disempowering question.  When you ask your brain that it will come up with all kinds of reasons why you're worthless: well, you're fat, you're stupid, you're ugly, your mother doesn't love you, blah, blah, blah, on and on disempowering crap.

But what if you asked your brain some quality questions like:

What's good about this?

What can I do right now to start taking my power back?

What can I learn from this?

What am I looking forward to?

How can I use this experience to grow?

It may sound silly but a directed mind is a powerful thing; try asking them to yourself, totally seriously, and a little playfully, to see what your brain comes up with.  And what other quality questions can you think of?

This x1000. I know exactly what you're going through, we all do, and it sucks so bad. But, the ball is now in YOUR hands. What's done is done. It's time for YOU to reclaim what's yours. Your life. When my therapist, this past Thursday, brought up the fact I was giving her the power now, a switch went off. This is our lives. What we choose to do with the information we're given, from this point on, is completely up to us. Empower yourself. Set small goals for yourself and allow yourself to pat you on the back for a job well done when you achieve them. Do things that make you, and your kids, happy. I know it seems like there's no way out of the hole you're in, but it isn't true. Just keep climbing and you'll make it!

[SWLSR]

Confused

a BPD is a parasite.  they suck you dry and take everything from u they can amd when you have nothing left they leave you for a new host.  and they do it i a very destuctive way. They leave al

ost all of us like this.  its who they are and what they do.