Life at home

[DrA]

Hello all,

For sometime have been in denial that my own wife might be borderline.  She is so nice and sweet at times.  How can I possibly say out loud that she might rage.  What implications does that have?  But after 16 years together and 6 kids together, I think I can finally see that she fits the bill.  So odd that I could not see it or admit it before.  Still stuck in the thinking that if I am just nice enough, she will never need to yell at me or the kids.  Ugh.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[vortex of confusion]

 

Welcome to the forums!

Denial is a very powerful thing! I am not a therapist but have done a lot of research over the years. Like you, I thought that everything would be better if I could just figure out how to be a better wife.

Once I pulled my head out of my azz, oops, I mean the sand, I realized that I am a pretty good wife. The tools here have been a tremendous help to me. Even if you already know a lot of this stuff, the moral support is fantastic.

[grandmag]

to drA:

 I am no expert, have been dealing with my daughter-in-law for 18 years but didn't know what to call "it" or what to  do about "it" until I found a counselor over a year ago for all the stress "it" was causing me. I still have a lot to learn and ache for my son and grandkids. But your last sentence about if you would only be nice enough to her, she wouldn't have to yell at you or the kids... .we always called that "stinkin' thinkin'". Of course that takes all the responsibility off her, and all the pressure on you. I hope you won't buy into it. Talk about walking on eggshells... .and you know something I had to see--looking back, the behaviours of my daughter-in-law through these years, makes perfect now that we know what "it" is... .just wish we all knew back then and had had all this time to learn and deal with more healthily and have less pain.

I wish you courage.