Looking For Advice

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

My wife has what I would describe as severe personality disorder. We have 2 children, 11 and 7 and she has been living away from us for about a month. She has been getting a form of DBT on a 1 on 1 basis in that time. We still have family time together, usually on the weekends but she is still in constant contact with me by phone or text. These contacts are mostly when she is at a low point and often turn into more conflict and disputes. She talks about "ending it " frequently although no significant attempt has been made. She has abused her prescriptions, two nights in a row this past weekend and while she's been "away" she has tried cocaine for the first time. I've been trying to roll with this time away as a time to find herself. She will say that there is still hope that we will be back together and that that is the ultimate goal. In the last 24 hours, I've been starting to accept the reality that it is very unlikely. She has also been intimate with at least one other person in this time although it has not been completely admitted to. I believe it may even be her roommate who also supplies the cocaine. Her therapist is very accepting of her actions it seems and it has gotten to the point that any disapproval of any negative behaviour is viewed as me not understanding her rights and feelings. Our children are without their mother and I am without the woman I truly love. I'm at a loss.

[ingie1128]

My wife has what I would describe as severe personality disorder. We have 2 children, 11 and 7 and she has been living away from us for about a month. She has been getting a form of DBT on a 1 on 1 basis in that time. We still have family time together, usually on the weekends but she is still in constant contact with me by phone or text. These contacts are mostly when she is at a low point and often turn into more conflict and disputes. She talks about "ending it " frequently although no significant attempt has been made. She has abused her prescriptions, two nights in a row this past weekend and while she's been "away" she has tried cocaine for the first time. I've been trying to roll with this time away as a time to find herself. She will say that there is still hope that we will be back together and that that is the ultimate goal. In the last 24 hours, I've been starting to accept the reality that it is very unlikely. She has also been intimate with at least one other person in this time although it has not been completely admitted to. I believe it may even be her roommate who also supplies the cocaine. Her therapist is very accepting of her actions it seems and it has gotten to the point that any disapproval of any negative behaviour is viewed as me not understanding her rights and feelings. Our children are without their mother and I am without the woman I truly love. I'm at a loss.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey ingie, I'm sorry to learn what you are going through.  Though your W has been living apart for the last month or so, it appears that you have had a long r/s so presumably you are quite familiar with the issues.  It sounds challenging, to say the least.  I am uncertain if you have a specific question or are just looking for support.  In either case, we are here to help.

LuckyJim

[goateeki]

I can tell you what my blunt therapist would say of this situation, if you'd like to hear... .