The facts say I should be relieved to be done. Why can't my heart agree?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Why does my heart hurts so badly right now?  Why do I feel like crying and never stopping when I hate what my life as become?

My first husband and his girlfriend were dropping off a washer and dryer and stove at my house while I was at work. I get along well with them both, they used their truck and helped me out. Anyway, when they left, my BPDh followed them, drove fast to catch up and tried to see who was in the truck, maybe thought I was? But my first H called me and said You better do something about this, you should have seen the look in his eyes, it's not safe." Between the texts (50+ in a day and a half), phone calls, and now him watching my house/following them, I went to get a restraining order. It was approved. BPDh's ex got one because he tried taking their son from her house while she was gone and she said nothing unsupervised till he gets clean. It got passed, too. Before he knew about that, him, his mom, and his daughter (she was trying to get back her graduation money he took back from her, what kind of person gives their kid money for their graduation and then goes... .hey, can I get that back from you?), went to the police station to see if there was anything he could to do to force his ex to give him his S12. While he was there he was arrested. On an assault charge from the 20th... .the day before he had the bad trip and got hospitalized. I guess he didn't know someone pressed charges and there was a warrant. I seriously can't understand what he's doing to his life. It's so sad and my instinct is to reach out and help him. But i know I can't. It just hurts so bad. I saw his booking photo online and there's not an ounce of the man I met in that photo.

[wishfulthinking]

Why does my heart hurts so badly right now?  Why do I feel like crying and never stopping when I hate what my life as become?

My first husband and his girlfriend were dropping off a washer and dryer and stove at my house while I was at work. I get along well with them both, they used their truck and helped me out. Anyway, when they left, my BPDh followed them, drove fast to catch up and tried to see who was in the truck, maybe thought I was? But my first H called me and said You better do something about this, you should have seen the look in his eyes, it's not safe." Between the texts (50+ in a day and a half), phone calls, and now him watching my house/following them, I went to get a restraining order. It was approved. BPDh's ex got one because he tried taking their son from her house while she was gone and she said nothing unsupervised till he gets clean. It got passed, too. Before he knew about that, him, his mom, and his daughter (she was trying to get back her graduation money he took back from her, what kind of person gives their kid money for their graduation and then goes... .hey, can I get that back from you?), went to the police station to see if there was anything he could to do to force his ex to give him his S12. While he was there he was arrested. On an assault charge from the 20th... .the day before he had the bad trip and got hospitalized. I guess he didn't know someone pressed charges and there was a warrant. I seriously can't understand what he's doing to his life. It's so sad and my instinct is to reach out and help him. But i know I can't. It just hurts so bad. I saw his booking photo online and there's not an ounce of the man I met in that photo.

[mrwigand]

Because despite the pain that you experienced, which undoubtedly made it impossible for you to stay, there is also the pain of losing the person you fell in love.

Don't beat yourself up for feeling like this. I can't speak for everyone, but I can certainly speak for myself and tell you that I felt the exact same way. I felt - and still feel to a certain extent - intense pain - and I was the one who broke things off with my ex. Why? Because I was unhappy. Because I felt I wasn't being treated with respect and consideration. That didn't stop me from remembering the aspects of my ex and our relationship that I loved.

These relationships can be painful and chaotic, but I'm sure they're rarely black and white. In particular, the idealization we experience is so powerful that we're still craving it long after the relationship has ended.

I know it sucks. Despite how unhappy the relationship may have made you at times, it's still a loss and one that has to be grieved.