udBPDex moving out this weekend. Effect on kids?

[spottydog]

After 18 long years I have finally said "enough is enough. "

We have still been living under the same roof as we had to serve notice on a tenant in a property we own, so my husband could move out from the family home. This weekend he is finally moving out. I will be  at work but the children will be at home. My daughter  (15) is  unsurprisingly upset that it has come to this. Especially as he sat her down yesterday and apparently explained to her that it was all MY fault. She has seen a lot of what has gone on over the years , and I think she knows it is for the best but I hate to think that she might think I had any control over the situation other than to end the relationship  sooner.  Any advice on  how to handle this  would be appreciated.

[enlighten me]

Hi spottydog

children arent daft. They take in more than we ever realise. Im sure that even though she loves her dad she has seen his behaviour as wrong. Where he has blamed you for the break up you shouldnt blame him. This tit for tat behaviour leaves children in a position where they may feel thwy have to take sides. Instead tell her that you loved her dad but you need to live your own life and that you no longer make each other happy so for both your sakes you need to move on.

By being consistent. Never putting your husband down in front of the kids. Never promising them things to win them over and always keeping your promises they will see who the problem was.

[whirlpoollife]

The pwPD is the one turning it into trama for the kids.  My xh had to move out of the marital home. ( I still have my own issues , guilt with that)    I was numb the first night he wasn't there, just the begining of my mind  and body unwinding.    I know I did not degrade their dad to them.  During the move out,  Xh was letting them know that I told the courts what to do , I was to blame for breakup of the marriage etc. He was very drama , show, staying till the last second literally. Making it like kids will never see him again.  Kids were angry with me for hurting poor dad.

Assure D that she will see and be with dad.  It is just for the better that the two of you don't live together.  Really not much more.  It's a rough bad storm at the moment. You just have to go though it.

In the weeks to come,  make the home a home again. Have D pick something out , flowers, paint, help rearrange furniture, have her pick out something for her room.

It will take time for kids to get used to parents not living together.

When they see you thrive and grow emotionally stronger without h there , they will begin to see the light.