Dealing with a daughter n law with BPD

[jasper777]

 This is a very hard thing to do is deal with a daughter n law with BPD, but as I study and read more my attention turns toward my son, as to say what is wrong with him? I have 3 sons and have raised them all the same way or so I thought, but my oldest one loves picking borderline personality disorder females to marry. The first one left and my husband and I are now raising 2 more children. The second wife has 2 kids by my son, but we are not allowed to visit these children since one yr ago. The relationship with her has been Chaos and I am so tired of these kinds of relationships. How can I help the two children I am raising understand a little more about this situation. Their daddy , at this time refuses to see the kids unless its under his terms. I have adopted these two children so it is my decision and I choose not to let them go around his wife. Needless to say my son refuses to see the kids down here.Any suggestions or comments as to what may make this a little easier for the kids involved.?

[Kwamina]

Hi jasper777

I understand why you are now also wondering about what's going on with your son. Though his current (and former) wife are the ones with BPD, the fact that he seems to seek out these types of women perhaps also says something about him. Do you feel like your son acknowledges that his current wife has certain issues? Does he acknowledge that his first wife has certain issues?

Any suggestions or comments as to what may make this a little easier for the kids involved.?

Since you've adopted his two kids, you are facing similar situations as many people on the Co-parenting board. I think you might benefit from some of the resources they use on that board. I've selected a few that I think are particularly relevant here:

What to Tell the Kids About a High-Conflict Co-Parent

Child Development and Parents with Mental Illness

When a Parent Has a Mental Illness: From Risk to Resiliency--Protective Factors for Children

I hope these resources can be of some help to you.

Take care