Since you never know what to expect with them, I was wondering do we have any cases where when a PBD who has dumped their partner out of a blue (cut off all contacts, painted black, etc), then came back wanting to reconcile?
Just wondering. Given their tendency to split into hate and love, and then hate again.
I was married to my wife 1990 to 1997, when she left without any reason given, with our 2 year old. She had it planned as a trip back home to visit her parents. Then, never came back. She filed for divorce in another state, and I was served divorce papers on Christmas Eve. Merry Divorce-mas. I was devastated, and heart broken. I was afraid I'd never see my daughter again. I loved them both so much, and I was completely alone. I had to walk by the kid's room filled with toys and princess bedding everyday. She had never lived there to play with them. ("We" had moved from San Francisco to Seattle. I went ahead, found a place, moved in. Unpacked everything in 3 days, and set up our new home. Wife and daughter came, and stayed less than a week before leaving on a "vacation" to visit my in-laws. Never came back).
I KNEW they would come back to me. I was steadfast in pushing for an explanation. I would not let her (ex-wife) erase me from my daughter's life. She left the state and this was a violation of child custody agreement of 50 / 50. So, I called everyday. Spoke with my toddler on the phone. It broke my heart- everyday.
Five years later, we reconciled. We moved back in together in 2004, and we re-married shortly after that.
It was a happy reunion. I felt like this cold, heartless monster had really changed. She had been in therapy, she seemed way more mature, and did not rage at me- for over 1 year, there was not a single rage. We had glorious sex. All the time, sex. I was vilified. I knew she'd be back with me- I couldn't have loved someone so much, and offered so much emotional and financial support without her having some feelings for me.
About 1 1/2 yrs into our second marriage, the BPD started to unfold again. Sex stopped, and was replaced by emotional and verbal abuse. Blaming, and attacking all the time. Rages came back, and were different- they weren't about me being unfaithful (I was never once unfaithful, she just believed I was- every time I left for work was an opportunity to screw co-workers, nurses, or chicks who throw themselves at me). The rages are different now. Every bit the psycho rant, just not always about infidelity. Did I say the sex stopped? Yes, prior to May of this year, we went three years and had sex once a year. Who does this? Act like they can't go 8 hrs without sex, and then turn the tables and call their husband sexually repulsive and become a celibate nun in a marriage with a sexual hostage as a husband? A woman with BPD- that's who.
So, yes-- it happens. People with BPD can leave and come back. They can and do stay in a monogamous marriage for decades.
It has been 25 years now, since we first met. We've been married twice, and have a daughter from each of our 2 marriages. A 18 year old is leaving for college soon, and a nearly 7 year old.
I am working on an exit plan now. I have gone too long without a mutually satisfying sex life with another human being and I am turning into an angry fat ass because of it.
It is so hard to untangle the web of enmeshment, but I've come a long way with the help of my Psychiatrist of 4.5 years. I can do this- leave. I can do it.
I find myself ruminating the following phrase over and over in my head, and sometimes out loud in the car by myself:
"I can't take this anymore"
"I can't take this anymore"
"I can't take this anymore"
"All work, and no play... ."
Love,
Surg_Bear
