Sensitive to subtle criticism

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

So here's an example of something that causes the blood pressure to spike:

I spend $2500 to secure a spot on s cargo ship for her car. I do all the leg work with folks in another time zone, while working a job that gives me limited access to phones during the day. So often it's an email after work to folks who are gone for the day. And all this while hesitating to make the payment because I wasn't sure if she'd actually drop the car off at the port, and I don't feel like wasting that money (there's a refund policy, but you don't get the entire amount back).

She doesn't lift a finger except to tell me when to jump and how high... .

And then tells me "thanks for finally getting that done."

Finally?  Seriously. I've heard that so many times. If work or sleep or something out of my control slows a process down I'm criticized for dragging my feet. And because I do procrastinate (it's a character defect in well aware of) I immediately assume I'm to blame.

I got a spot on a boat for the exact day she wanted, and I knew ahead of time she'd be ungrateful... .But it still pisses me off.

I hope I'm not like this forever. Knowing that any response to her sarcasm and criticism and subtle put downs would trigger an escalation means I've been doing my best to bite my tongue for the past year. I just hope I can learn to deal with similar situations in the future in a healthy way.

Gomez

[gomez_addams]

So here's an example of something that causes the blood pressure to spike:

I spend $2500 to secure a spot on s cargo ship for her car. I do all the leg work with folks in another time zone, while working a job that gives me limited access to phones during the day. So often it's an email after work to folks who are gone for the day. And all this while hesitating to make the payment because I wasn't sure if she'd actually drop the car off at the port, and I don't feel like wasting that money (there's a refund policy, but you don't get the entire amount back).

She doesn't lift a finger except to tell me when to jump and how high... .

And then tells me "thanks for finally getting that done."

Finally?  Seriously. I've heard that so many times. If work or sleep or something out of my control slows a process down I'm criticized for dragging my feet. And because I do procrastinate (it's a character defect in well aware of) I immediately assume I'm to blame.

I got a spot on a boat for the exact day she wanted, and I knew ahead of time she'd be ungrateful... .But it still pisses me off.

I hope I'm not like this forever. Knowing that any response to her sarcasm and criticism and subtle put downs would trigger an escalation means I've been doing my best to bite my tongue for the past year. I just hope I can learn to deal with similar situations in the future in a healthy way.

Gomez

[rotiroti]

I used to let compassion turn me into a doormat to my pwBPD.



Spoiler: It did not turn out well

[gomez_addams]

I used to let compassion turn me into a doormat to my pwBPD.



Spoiler: It did not turn out well

We'll be divorced soon.

I just hope to be healthy someday.

Gomez

[Surg_Bear]

I used to let compassion turn me into a doormat to my pwBPD.



Spoiler: It did not turn out well

This.

This is the key to understanding how my life has gotten SO terrible.  I don't have an "ex" yet.  Married 25 yrs, and it is falling apart.

Thanks for spelling it out so succinctly.

Surg_Bear