"Your people."

[mssalty]

For many years now I've felt incredibly down on myself and my lack of real relationships with anyone outside of family.     There is a lot of self-loathing, lack of self esteem, and a thought that either everyone is not worthy of my friendship or they're not worthy of mine. 

Recently I had a chance encounter with a group of people I don't know and probably will never encounter again (friends of friends).  Instantly I felt like I was in the company of "my people", people who could laugh, got my jokes, and possessed a lightness I forgot I had. 

It was a pleasant reminder that all is not lost, and that I shouldn't give up, or get comfortable assuming I will be friendless.   

[fromheeltoheal]

Not only that, where did the folks go?  Establishing friendships is in part risky, we need to put ourselves out there; did you get any phone numbers?

You have a lack of relationships, that's a fact, and then there's what you make it mean.  You could make it mean you're not worthy, it's because you don't like yourself, it's because you lack self esteem, yadda, yadda, or you could just look at it as a fact: you don't have fulfilling relationships with people who 'get' you in your life. A challenge.  Solution?  Meet people.  You could set a goal for yourself that you're going to meet 10 people this week, focus on that, and set about meeting the goal.  :)oesn't matter who, and it doesn't mean you're going to be lifelong pals, it just means you're going to meet them.  And after you get good at that, you can start noticing what type of person someone is, if there's an overlap in your lives, if you want to pursue getting to know them better.  If you make it a project towards a goal without assigning negative meaning to it you can just move forward creating what you say you want.

The other piece is introvert vs extrovert.  A definition I like is that an extrovert gets energy from being around other people while an introvert loses energy.  Are you often tired after spending time with people?  I'm an introvert, although sometimes you wouldn't know if because I've gotten good at chatty, to lighten the mood, avoid confrontation and keep people away, but really I'm an introvert, most comfortable alone or in small groups of close friends, and when i was younger I used to consider myself defective and doing life 'wrong' because I didn't have a hundred friends and at a party every weekend.  As I've gotten older I've gotten more comfortable in my own skin, and today, screw it, I am who I am, I like myself, and I'm going to do what makes me happy, even if that's sitting home reading a book on a Friday night, because I want to.  And the other piece is I've known plenty of people who need to be around other people because they can't be alone, something I don't understand and consider weak.  Takes all types, we only live once, let your freak flag fly.