Got a call today... what to think?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

My STBX Husband called me today. He told me he had some mail for me... .we ended up talking for awhile. I told him I was doing great... .told him I was happy and having a great time.Wanting him to feel that I am no longer sad over the loss basically. He said he has been thinking about me allot lately and was having trouble expressing his feelings. He told me that he feels a real calmness when he talks to me and was so glad that I picked up the phone. He is having all kinds of bad things going on in his life but claiming it was all caused by the bad stuff in his past catching up with him. That he is trying to do better. He claims he is being completely honest with the new gf, which is a laugh. He was letting me know about all the bad stuff and how unhappy he is in every way. I said aren't you happy in your new relationship? He said , I am not happy with anything. He also told me he may have to move in with her because he has no where else to go. I don't believe any of his words. A friend of mine thinks that he is just completely lying to me about everything- we analyzed allot and he had many contradictions to his stories. She thinks he has no use for me at all and just likes to play with my head... .see what I will do or say. He said he loves me and hates me at the same time still.( He is mad at me for putting him in jail even though he knows it's his fault.) He doesn't see how it would ever work for us because too much has happened. I can't help but wonder if he is looking for me to say different. I told him I saw he was friends again with the girl I caught in our bed. He immediately said he would delete her if I wanted, which I thought was strange... .why would he want to do anything to make "me" happy. I am proud of myself for standing up for myself and "acting" like I have total self confidence  during the conversation. He told me he liked hearing I was doing so well, that I deserve it and he was no good for me. I told him that I light a candle for him at church each week in hopes he will get the help he needs. Allot more in the conversation, but I am just wondering if I am dreaming to think he is having doubts about his new r/s. He even called her "real country", which is not his type at all. He said that he is comfortable with her because they get along... .no arguing meaning - like we did. Of course we argued over his weird behavior. He said she still talks to her husband which I am not sure is true, but implied we should be civil and talk as well. I think I will tell him to open my mail and take a picture of it and send it to me. I think he was hoping to see me... .gave me lots of times he is off and could bring it to me. I don't want to see him. I have to keep reminding him he is in another r/s. He says "yes, I am really confused". What is this all about? keeping me hooked or is he really confused?

[Herodias]

My STBX Husband called me today. He told me he had some mail for me... .we ended up talking for awhile. I told him I was doing great... .told him I was happy and having a great time.Wanting him to feel that I am no longer sad over the loss basically. He said he has been thinking about me allot lately and was having trouble expressing his feelings. He told me that he feels a real calmness when he talks to me and was so glad that I picked up the phone. He is having all kinds of bad things going on in his life but claiming it was all caused by the bad stuff in his past catching up with him. That he is trying to do better. He claims he is being completely honest with the new gf, which is a laugh. He was letting me know about all the bad stuff and how unhappy he is in every way. I said aren't you happy in your new relationship? He said , I am not happy with anything. He also told me he may have to move in with her because he has no where else to go. I don't believe any of his words. A friend of mine thinks that he is just completely lying to me about everything- we analyzed allot and he had many contradictions to his stories. She thinks he has no use for me at all and just likes to play with my head... .see what I will do or say. He said he loves me and hates me at the same time still.( He is mad at me for putting him in jail even though he knows it's his fault.) He doesn't see how it would ever work for us because too much has happened. I can't help but wonder if he is looking for me to say different. I told him I saw he was friends again with the girl I caught in our bed. He immediately said he would delete her if I wanted, which I thought was strange... .why would he want to do anything to make "me" happy. I am proud of myself for standing up for myself and "acting" like I have total self confidence  during the conversation. He told me he liked hearing I was doing so well, that I deserve it and he was no good for me. I told him that I light a candle for him at church each week in hopes he will get the help he needs. Allot more in the conversation, but I am just wondering if I am dreaming to think he is having doubts about his new r/s. He even called her "real country", which is not his type at all. He said that he is comfortable with her because they get along... .no arguing meaning - like we did. Of course we argued over his weird behavior. He said she still talks to her husband which I am not sure is true, but implied we should be civil and talk as well. I think I will tell him to open my mail and take a picture of it and send it to me. I think he was hoping to see me... .gave me lots of times he is off and could bring it to me. I don't want to see him. I have to keep reminding him he is in another r/s. He says "yes, I am really confused". What is this all about? keeping me hooked or is he really confused?

[rotiroti]

Making you question his motives.

Keeping line of contact open.

Playing victim of his circumstances.





Sounds like manipulation at its finest. Kudos for standing firm by the way. Feels good not doing things we don't want to do.

[fromheeltoheal]

Think attachments with borderlines; the mail was an excuse to call, and you've popped up as a potential attachment who can make him feel better, soothe his emotions, can be of some use.  Good for you for keeping your cool during the call, and if he got the impression there was any emotional connection, attachment, he'll try again.  Might be best to avoid future contact and if you do talk, act bored, disinterested, gotta go, take care.

Mail can be forwarded.  Best to decide what you want and act accordingly, no sense in using any more headspace over something that is over, yes?

[myself]

I am just wondering if I am dreaming to think he is having doubts about his new r/s... .

What is this all about? keeping me hooked or is he really confused?

You're awake. If he's a pwBPD, he doubts every relationship.

Fishing with whatever hooks he has because he's so 'confused', most likely.