How to gain full custody of the children from an ex wife with BPD

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

I am at a loss as my ex wife has BPD and shares custody with me .Recently she abused her prescription medication and ran a red light with children in the car. luckily no one was injured however this is not the first time and will not be the last unless I do something about it fast .this is a continuous pattern for several years I would like some advice on how to gain full custody of my children.

[Randyc]

I am at a loss as my ex wife has BPD and shares custody with me .Recently she abused her prescription medication and ran a red light with children in the car. luckily no one was injured however this is not the first time and will not be the last unless I do something about it fast .this is a continuous pattern for several years I would like some advice on how to gain full custody of my children.

[enlighten me]

Hi Randy

it depends on a number of things.

Firstly where you live may have different laws.

How old are the children?

Is there any evidence of her endangering the kids?

In the uk a child can say where they want to live at ten. The courts will take this into consideration. At twelve they can decide where they want to live.

If you can prove child endangerment then there is a good possibility that you will get full custody.

[livednlearned]

Hi Randyc,

Welcome to the site! 

That had to be awful to discover your kids were put in harm's way like that.  :'(  I'm so sorry to hear your ex has a problem with narcotics, or whatever drugs she is using to numb her pain.

How long have the two of you shared custody? What's the arrangement? When these other incidents happened, were they documented?

One thing my lawyer told me that was difficult to hear at the time, but ultimately motivated me to take action, is that if you continue to let the behaviors happen, a court may wonder if you are just as bad as the other parent. It's not a fair way to size things up, but in some ways it makes sense. We are often so non-assertive and conflict avoidant that we don't do what's best for the kids.

It's incredibly complex and very psychologically challenging to be in a position where you must protect your children from their own biological (yet oftentimes abusive and dangerous mentally ill) parent.

How are you doing through all this? How are the kids doing?

Keep posting. It really does help. 

LnL