Dealing with the shame

[healingslowly12]

I am dealing with so much shame right now... .

shame that I fell for this person's seductions (I was at a low point when they met me)

shame that I was so blind the entire time

shame that I ever gave them any "supply"

shame that I let them reject me when I should have rejected them much sooner or never got together in the first place

shame that my self esteem is so low

shame that I let this happen to me

I know this is part of the healing process, working through the shame. 

[confounded]

Never feel sorry, or apologize, for loving or having loved someone. The shame is theirs and theirs alone.

[scarletviolet]

"Never feel sorry, or apologize, for loving or having loved someone. The shame is theirs and theirs alone."

absolute truth! greatest truth of all... .

[sas1729]

May I ask how long it has been? I am past six months, and the same feelings of shame have died down.

This sounds trite, but what you went through was also a growing lesson. It was for me. I learned a lot about what to avoid but also that it did take incredible patience and love to endure it. Love and patience that proved not enough, and actually for that I am very grateful. Because in the end, I protected myself.

It did happen. To you and to me. But never again! Remember - you must be extremely compassionate and caring. Those are traits that people fall for and appreciate. The right person will rejoice in who you are. In a way, going through the battle that was your old relationship has made you stronger for a more equal one in the future.

[healingslowly12]

Broken up a month, so still pretty fresh.  

I can't believe I ever thought that they loved me.  I'm so embarrassed that I believed their lies.  From the outside, you'd never believe I would have been with this person.  I have so much going for me and they were the complete opposite which is why it hurts that they rejected me.  This makes me feel more shame, to be rejected by someone like this.

I know these are just feelings and they will pass.  I'm using this as a place to vent.

Thank you for your feedback.  It really helps.

[Popcorn71]

I can't believe I ever thought that they loved me.  I'm so embarrassed that I believed their lies.  From the outside, you'd never believe I would have been with this person.  I have so much going for me and they were the complete opposite which is why it hurts that they rejected me.  This makes me feel more shame, to be rejected by someone like this.

I know these are just feelings and they will pass.  

It's almost 2 years since my xBPDh dumped me for a really low grade replacement.  For a long time I felt exactly as you have described above.  However, as I have got my life back on track and realised how much I am achieving without him holding me back, I can see that he is the one who should feel shame.  He should be ashamed of how badly he treated me and my kids and he should be ashamed that he did not realise he had a good wife.

I hope that one day soon, you can turn your feelings around and see that you have nothing to feel shame about - but your ex does.