Support in a funk please.

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Hey guys... .

I wish a group of us could go hang out and do something fun and laugh and share for a wee bit.  Is there a virtual translation to this?

I mostly feel like things are going "smoothly" and I'm having natural momentum... .focused with occasional sad moments, difficult decisions, etc.

But then... .

I occasionally feel like I was walking along on a grassy path... .and my foot entered a hole covered up by the grass... .my foot fell in, I'm flat on my face, confused and disoriented.

I'm currently feeling quite disoriented... .even to the point that my mind is uncertain of what it is processing.  This makes me pretty sad and feeling vulnerable. 

I know what triggered it.  I did some work yesterday that was different than my usual work.  It was in a different environment that was confusing on many levels.  I felt like a person from another planet interacting with others from another planet. My mind couldn't make sense of things... .the environment felt invalidating... .or disorienting.

This experience triggered my PTSD and I feel a bit disconnected and unsure about things.  Which feels so awful and tends to paint everything around me.  I feel in a mental fog... .but a depressive/distant one.

I need to find a way to stay grounded and come back, so to speak.  I think laughing in the sunlight, a cold drink with people who I feel safe with would do it!  Ehh... so where is the virtual version here?  J/k

Idk... .

Maybe I'll do some meditation later.

Maybe some outdoor time.

Maybe a little clean up time to reorganize.

Feeling lost... .mentally.

[Sunfl0wer]

Hey guys... .

I wish a group of us could go hang out and do something fun and laugh and share for a wee bit.  Is there a virtual translation to this?

I mostly feel like things are going "smoothly" and I'm having natural momentum... .focused with occasional sad moments, difficult decisions, etc.

But then... .

I occasionally feel like I was walking along on a grassy path... .and my foot entered a hole covered up by the grass... .my foot fell in, I'm flat on my face, confused and disoriented.

I'm currently feeling quite disoriented... .even to the point that my mind is uncertain of what it is processing.  This makes me pretty sad and feeling vulnerable. 

I know what triggered it.  I did some work yesterday that was different than my usual work.  It was in a different environment that was confusing on many levels.  I felt like a person from another planet interacting with others from another planet. My mind couldn't make sense of things... .the environment felt invalidating... .or disorienting.

This experience triggered my PTSD and I feel a bit disconnected and unsure about things.  Which feels so awful and tends to paint everything around me.  I feel in a mental fog... .but a depressive/distant one.

I need to find a way to stay grounded and come back, so to speak.  I think laughing in the sunlight, a cold drink with people who I feel safe with would do it!  Ehh... so where is the virtual version here?  J/k

Idk... .

Maybe I'll do some meditation later.

Maybe some outdoor time.

Maybe a little clean up time to reorganize.

Feeling lost... .mentally.

[Fleur2013]

I'm sorry that this is a bad day for you. The things that work for me are just staying in motion of possible. I should practice yoga... .It's on my to do list, I swear. Today I am cleaning and doing laundry. I feel as though getting organized and cleaning is my way of saying to the Universe "I'm ready, there is room for good stuff now".   

[joeramabeme]

I'm currently feeling quite disoriented... .even to the point that my mind is uncertain of what it is processing.  This makes me pretty sad and feeling vulnerable. 

This experience triggered my PTSD and I feel a bit disconnected and unsure about things.  Which feels so awful and tends to paint everything around me.  I feel in a mental fog... .but a depressive/distant one.

Ditto.  I have underestimated my own PTSD.  It took a friend to point out what was going on with me.  All the smptoms I discussed made it clear, the primary one being confusion. 

I had a T tell me awhile back, people with PTSD are not like everyone else.  She explicitly stated we must take care of our needs, daily.  So easy to be triggered and not know even when the symptoms are the same as they always are.

For me the best remedy is the hardest, I have to sit and be with me.  usually meditation or yoga can get me "back in my body".  That what the IDK is all about, being out of body or mind as the case may be.

Glad you posted sunflower.  Not to be repetitive but I am only now starting to see how my PTSD has been so intertwined with my pwBPD relationship.  I can share more if you like.

Joe

[repititionqueen]

Hey guys... .

I wish a group of us could go hang out and do something fun and laugh and share for a wee bit.  Is there a virtual translation to this?

I totally agree Sunfl0wer! That would be wonderful. The more time I spend here the more I wish I could actually hang out with you all but we are lucky to have this place to chat. It would be interesting though if some of us happened to be in the same city but its nice to be anonymous too.

I relate to your feelings. I too feel very much in a mental fog but I just try to focus on taking things one day at a time and make a list of things I need to do to try to re-organize my life. Being alone is never easy but we need to get comfortable being alone with ourselves and who we are. I've been bike riding a lot lately and it has helped me feel really content just 'hanging out' with myself. It makes me feel like I have my own life and my own identity. Try to stay busy bettering yourself and doing things in your own interest. I'm sure you sacrificed a lot for your pwBPD and put their needs before yours a lot,  at least I did... .I think it leads us to forget what we really wanted to be doing because they took so much control and pulled us into their funks.

Discover you again! Be happy with who you are and what you want to be doing.

I'm going to go away tomorrow on a trip by myself. I never wanted to do this trip alone but at the end of the day i'm not going to sacrifice my dreams for the sake of having someone with me. I'm just going to go and see what happens!

[DearBFF]

Sunfl0wer, so sorry your day bummed you out a bit.  I hate feeling that disconnected/discombobulated feeling myself as well.  You mentioned meditation, have you heard of mindfulness?  It's somewhat a form of meditation, but doesn't necessarily require the sitting quietly or chanting part.  It can be done while you are doing anything as long as you try to solely focus on that task which you are completing.  It's a great way to get back in your body as mentioned.  I notice especially when I am outside it helps a lot for me to just look around and notice, feel as I walk, look up at the clouds, etc.  It keeps me joyful about the little things and I focus less and hold onto less the things I find upsetting/troubling.  When I am having a bad time of it I let myself set with the feelings, but only enough to process them and if I start getting stuck I distract; not to disregard the feeling but to get on track so to speak.  Then later when I come back to the feeling I was having trouble with it is usually much less and I can process it and move on much easier.

Hope you find that helpful and hope you feel much better and have your head back on straight with all pistons firing!  :-)

[Sunfl0wer]

Thank you for the replies... .

I feel confused.  There are things and moments I can focus... .then others that I can't.  I cannot focus enough to actually read this thread replies... .so odd!  Odd... .because there are other things I CAN read and focus.  I'm going to mark "unread" and come back to this when my mind is clearer. I may just try to nap... .listen to some music... .or read something that i can read.

I did see Joe, you mention discussing more.  Please feel free to share... .here or PM, whatever you prefer.

I do often wish for a subgroup for the PTSD issues.  I have tried to find another group just to relate to the PTSD issues, but this is by far the best and most supportive site... .and is actually becoming like family.  Fortunately, or rather unfortunately, many of us here also have PTSD... .sorry!

Sometimes I get so foggy... .I cannot think well.  It feels like a day with a cloudy sky and the clouds hide and reveal the sun, in/out, in/out ... .peeking moments of thoughts... .then thick clouds. :/

[DearBFF]

Sunfl0wer, if you haven't already checked out the PTSD group on Kati Morton's site it may be worth a look.  The group is public, but you can create any name you like I believe so it's like posting anonymously.  If you haven't checked out Kati's videos on youtube they are always great and she even has some on PTSD.  The mental health community on youtube is WONDERFUL, and I love watching the content from those who are wiling to share their experiences to help others.

Take care

www.katimorton.com/groups/ptsd/

[Sunfl0wer]

Sunfl0wer, if you haven't already checked out the PTSD group on Kati Morton's site it may be worth a look.  The group is public, but you can create any name you like I believe so it's like posting anonymously.  If you haven't checked out Kati's videos on youtube they are always great and she even has some on PTSD.  The mental health community on youtube is WONDERFUL, and I love watching the content from those who are wiling to share their experiences to help others.

Take care

www.katimorton.com/groups/ptsd/

Thank you... .I will browse there now!

[LonelyChild]

How about IRC? Is there an IRC channel for bpdfamily?

[Sunfl0wer]

How about IRC? Is there an IRC channel for bpdfamily?

That would be nice.

PM is even set up in a way that seems to just be necessity... . 

It is not a developed focus of this site... .I imagine bpdfamily has a reason I am not aware of.

[Sunfl0wer]

DearBFF,

Ok... .It looks like a really supportive forum over there.

LOL... .but I'm scared!

I think I realize the reason I never like the PTSD forums is that they are immersed in PTSD talk... ! It is just darn triggering!  I think I'll go and make a post explaining how my PTSD has me afraid of PTSD support sites! ! How ridiculous!

It feels like it disorients me... .or rather... .reorients my mind into hyperfocusing on PTSD stuff and trying to relate it to me... .and gosh... Yikes!

I need to talk about my PTSD with others who understand... .but not subject myself to all kinds of PTSD symptoms I'm not having.

I'm scared of that over there!  I believe in the power of the mind to create our realities... .and man... .that didn't work!

I'll stick to here!  Thank you very much! !

I love bpdfamily!

[nowwhatz]

DearBFF,

Ok... .It looks like a really supportive forum over there.

LOL... .but I'm scared!

I think I realize the reason I never like the PTSD forums is that they are immersed in PTSD talk... ! It is just darn triggering!  I think I'll go and make a post explaining how my PTSD has me afraid of PTSD support sites! ! How ridiculous!

It feels like it disorients me... .or rather... .reorients my mind into hyperfocusing on PTSD stuff and trying to relate it to me... .and gosh... Yikes!

I need to talk about my PTSD with others who understand... .but not subject myself to all kinds of PTSD symptoms I'm not having.

I'm scared of that over there!  I believe in the power of the mind to create our realities... .and man... .that didn't work!

I'll stick to here!  Thank you very much! !

I love bpdfamily!

Sunfl0wer sorry to hear about your difficult day(s).  I can totally relate and am also living it. Weekends are the worst.

Don't mean to pry but is your PTSD caused by the r/s with the exBPD person?

I have considered getting checked out for PTSD.

Interesting you mentioned that the PTSD website caused you some discomfort. As much as I love and appreciate bpdfamily.com I stay away sometimes because when I come here I have to face my pain and deal with it.

[Sunfl0wer]

Sunfl0wer sorry to hear about your difficult day(s).  I can totally relate and am also living it. Weekends are the worst.

Don't mean to pry but is your PTSD caused by the r/s with the exBPD person?

I have considered getting checked out for PTSD.

Interesting you mentioned that the PTSD website caused you some discomfort. As much as I love and appreciate bpdfamily.com I stay away sometimes because when I come here I have to face my pain and deal with it.

Hi nowwatz,

I don't mind you asking at all.  No, my PTSD if from years of abuse from childhood onward.  My mom has uBPD and some others were NPD within that FOO that I no longer speak to.  The r/s was a reabuse of many of the original traumas.  I imagine if I had not previously had PTSD to open up old wounds that the r/s would have caused me to have an acute version of post traumatic stress.

I have read some other members here who say that they did not previously have PTSD, however, felt traumatized from their r/s and acquired it.

I have known I have had PTSD for a long time now and am surprised to find when I can still learn something new about it, it happens occasionally.

My current symptoms of feeling disoriented are somewhat new to me in a way... .new in exactly how I am experiencing, yet familiar in that I feel disconnected.

Anyway... .

My point is that if you feel you may have PTSD... .it can be affecting you in ways you do not realize until someone points them out to you.  If anxiety is preventing you from seeking support here... .all the more reason as it is preventing some good healing.

If you care to share... .

What leads you to feel you may have PTSD?

Are you able to cope in other ways? (when unable to come here)

~Sunflower

[myself]

Some of the biggest personal eye-openers for me were when I saw that the abusive actions of my now-ex were very similar to those of my family. It made me take a step back, withdrawing in ways both healthy and responding to previous PTSD stuff. I thought, "What am I doing here again? How did I get here? How do I find the best way out?" It's in those times of stepping back where we can get extra disoriented for a while, as well as becoming more balanced the more we focus on it. The more we settle into ourselves the less weird we're going to feel about it? That sounds good.

[joeramabeme]

I did see Joe, you mention discussing more.  Please feel free to share... .here or PM, whatever you prefer.

Hey Sunflower, I tried PM tonight and your Inbox is full.  Think you need to remove messages to receive new ones.  Send me PM if you get this and have bandwidth to receive any incoming messages.

Hope you are feeling better, agreed it would to have friends to talk it all through with.

Joe

[nowwhatz]

Sunfl0wer sorry to hear about your difficult day(s).  I can totally relate and am also living it. Weekends are the worst.

Don't mean to pry but is your PTSD caused by the r/s with the exBPD person?

I have considered getting checked out for PTSD.

Interesting you mentioned that the PTSD website caused you some discomfort. As much as I love and appreciate bpdfamily.com I stay away sometimes because when I come here I have to face my pain and deal with it.

Hi nowwatz,

I don't mind you asking at all.  No, my PTSD if from years of abuse from childhood onward.  My mom has uBPD and some others were NPD within that FOO that I no longer speak to.  The r/s was a reabuse of many of the original traumas.  I imagine if I had not previously had PTSD to open up old wounds that the r/s would have caused me to have an acute version of post traumatic stress.

I have read some other members here who say that they did not previously have PTSD, however, felt traumatized from their r/s and acquired it.

I have known I have had PTSD for a long time now and am surprised to find when I can still learn something new about it, it happens occasionally.

My current symptoms of feeling disoriented are somewhat new to me in a way... .new in exactly how I am experiencing, yet familiar in that I feel disconnected.

Anyway... .

My point is that if you feel you may have PTSD... .it can be affecting you in ways you do not realize until someone points them out to you.  If anxiety is preventing you from seeking support here... .all the more reason as it is preventing some good healing.

If you care to share... .

What leads you to feel you may have PTSD?

Are you able to cope in other ways? (when unable to come here)

~Sunflower

Sunfl0wer,

You are a real survivor and strong person!

To try to answer your question... .it seems like a lot of anxiety and other symptoms I have are on the list of common PTSD symptoms.  I don't want to minimize or try to compare a r/s with a BPD person with the horrors people suffer in battle or through abuse. If I went to the VA hospital (where I receive my medical care) and requested PTSD screening I suspect they would tell me to go home.

That being said it appears much less is known about BPD than other pds or mental illnesses. The essence of BPD always involves other people and interpersonal relationships. The detachment process is almost like a type of deprogramming. Maybe I am missing it but BPD r/s 's seem to to cause psycological trauma... .and PTSD is always linked to trauma.

Probaly I am overthinking this but am curious to know if the methods used to help treat PTSD would be effective in helping those in recovery from a BPD r/s.

[Sunfl0wer]

Sunfl0wer,

You are a real survivor and strong person!

To try to answer your question... .it seems like a lot of anxiety and other symptoms I have are on the list of common PTSD symptoms.  I don't want to minimize or try to compare a r/s with a BPD person with the horrors people suffer in battle or through abuse. If I went to the VA hospital (where I receive my medical care) and requested PTSD screening I suspect they would tell me to go home.

That being said it appears much less is known about BPD than other pds or mental illnesses. The essence of BPD always involves other people and interpersonal relationships. The detachment process is almost like a type of deprogramming. Maybe I am missing it but BPD r/s 's seem to to cause psycological trauma... .and PTSD is always linked to trauma.

Probaly I am overthinking this but am curious to know if the methods used to help treat PTSD would be effective in helping those in recovery from a BPD r/s.

Thank you for the kind words.

You talk about being worried to minimize and compare.  However, I see many parallels that are certainly valid.

Even as a person who has endured many years of many types of ongoing abuse... .  I have ofen felt unworthy of complaining about my "issues" as there is always someone else worse off.  I think that mentality is part of it too.

I feel that the most damaging thing to me in my r/s with my partner is the same thing that was the most damaging to me growing up... .and I'm sure you experienced this.

It is what is called the "invalidating enviornment." (I tried to quickly find a link... .but didn't)

Not only did I experience this in the r/s, but I also experienced this in MC.

So for me what was most upsetting to my psyche... .was feeling that things were out of balance, reality felt out of balance.

I read about it here on bpdfamily, there was a good article about how non's try to make sense of illogical things from the partner and in doing so confuse themself or readjust their thinking slowly over time to accept this illogicalness that they are immersed in.

I feel like what was happening to my mind was almost a type of accidental brainwashing.  I was literally changing my ideas and thoughts about things unintentionally to make sense of things that should not make sense.

So if you feel like you need extra support from a professional for processing events and dynamics of the r/s... .you probably have valid reasons.  Trust yourself!

And yes, a person qualified to treat PTSD would employ trauma methods that would help in acute trauma situations as well.

[nowwhatz]

Sunfl0wer,

You are a real survivor and strong person!

To try to answer your question... .it seems like a lot of anxiety and other symptoms I have are on the list of common PTSD symptoms.  I don't want to minimize or try to compare a r/s with a BPD person with the horrors people suffer in battle or through abuse. If I went to the VA hospital (where I receive my medical care) and requested PTSD screening I suspect they would tell me to go home.

That being said it appears much less is known about BPD than other pds or mental illnesses. The essence of BPD always involves other people and interpersonal relationships. The detachment process is almost like a type of deprogramming. Maybe I am missing it but BPD r/s 's seem to to cause psycological trauma... .and PTSD is always linked to trauma.

Probaly I am overthinking this but am curious to know if the methods used to help treat PTSD would be effective in helping those in recovery from a BPD r/s.

Thank you for the kind words.

You talk about being worried to minimize and compare.  However, I see many parallels that are certainly valid.

Even as a person who has endured many years of many types of ongoing abuse... .  I have ofen felt unworthy of complaining about my "issues" as there is always someone else worse off.  I think that mentality is part of it too.

I feel that the most damaging thing to me in my r/s with my partner is the same thing that was the most damaging to me growing up... .and I'm sure you experienced this.

It is what is called the "invalidating enviornment." (I tried to quickly find a link... .but didn't)

Not only did I experience this in the r/s, but I also experienced this in MC.

So for me what was most upsetting to my psyche... .was feeling that things were out of balance, reality felt out of balance.

I read about it here on bpdfamily, there was a good article about how non's try to make sense of illogical things from the partner and in doing so confuse themself or readjust their thinking slowly over time to accept this illogicalness that they are immersed in.

I feel like what was happening to my mind was almost a type of accidental brainwashing.  I was literally changing my ideas and thoughts about things unintentionally to make sense of things that should not make sense.

So if you feel like you need extra support from a professional for processing events and dynamics of the r/s... .you probably have valid reasons.  Trust yourself!

And yes, a person qualified to treat PTSD would employ trauma methods that would help in acute trauma situations as well.

Sunfl0wer you described exactly what happened to me as I tried to make sense of it all and slowly brainwash myself and accept the invalidating environments, the sequals and eventual final indignity.  I remember sitting in my truck during the beginning of a particularly mind numbing recycle telling myself don't do it ! over and over and then letting it happen. Even today I cannot trust myself to know for certain that I would be able to rebuff another attempt to recycle, although I don't think there will be another.

Yeah there are parallels.  A lot of things that I connect the r/s trigger acute anxiety when I encounter these things. I get a sick feeling in my stomach and what feels like a chemical reaction of negative emotions.

Thanks for your help and input.  It is something I think I need to explore. Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for what you are going through.

[Sunfl0wer]

You guys are all so nice.

I'm genuinely laughing and crying at the moment.  This feels odd... .a good odd

It is hard to explain.

I guess receiving genuine support and kindness and being so very open and vulnerable is not something I'm used to, but clearly something I need to practice.

I'm certain that in life, I intentionally put myself in the "helper" role, as receiving, in some ways, is hard for me.

Receiving

= being let down, being tricked

= I owe someone something

= it will be taken back from me, to get nothing is to be safe


Thank you guys for not just telling me, but showing me that receiving can be redefined.