First charm

[English Sid]

Well, I believe I have had my first charm attempt from my estranged wife after 20 days NC.

I had blocked her on every communication route possible except Linkedin, which I had forget about.

Today she tried to get me to add her to my link and also left the following message:

I'm not the perfect woman you thought, I recognize that I made a mistake, but what I was not wrong about was to have chosen u as my husband, please forgive me "Forgive me for being unfair to you, I accept it was my mistake and in the name of love between us I ask u to forgive me"

Obviously I will not be responding.

[fromheeltoheal]

Well, she is accepting that it was her mistake, she says, and while not an apology it is taking responsibility.  So there's that.

And you can go ahead and forgive her, if you're into it, and I agree, there's an implication that she wants to hear from you that you forgive her, up to you what you do with that, but you can forgive her for you and not tell her, yes?

[rotiroti]

Man you are strong Sid!

Like heeltoheal says, whatever works best for you. I was in sort of a similar and n retrospect am thankful to have heard such a message. It allowed me to forgive her without actually telling her... .forgiving her for my own sake was really liberating

[English Sid]

Just had another message from my ex as below from a new email address.

I just want to start by saying that I am sorry for my behaviour,it was absolutely unacceptable, and I didn't mean to do it all. I was angry because of my behaviour, but that was no reason to act the way I did. I really believe that if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, we can work through this. I understand that right now, you're too angry to talk to me, but when I think of all the happy times we've had together it makes me so sad to think of us fighting over this. remember all the happy memories ... even though we're having trouble right now, I know we're strong enough to get through this together. I love you more than anyone else in this world, and I just want to find a way to make this right with you. I'm so sorry, and I'm looking forward to working this out with you.

With love

Your baby

After reading on this site over the last few months, this is par for the course in some cases after a break up, am I correct in that assumption?

[fromheeltoheal]

Now she's apologizing for her behavior, very nice.  I see either a borderline in pull mode or a girl who screwed up, regrets it, and wants you back, but you know her so you would know better.  She regrets being angry at herself, some shame there, and is focusing on the good times, common for all of us when we miss someone.

So what do you want English?

[English Sid]

Borderline in pull mode is how I see it, my ex is Asian and I got her a one way ticket back to her country.

We both lived in another Asian country where I work and I supplied the visa.

I know she has already got a rebound in place, so I won't be responding at all.

[hurting300]

Why not be the bigger person and say thank you?

[English Sid]

(hurting300)

I understand what your saying about being the bigger person, but I believe she may be back in a couple of weeks to her rebound who lives in the same city as me and I don't want to give her any impression that I would want anything else to do with her. I would sooner stay NC.

[myself]

It's not about being the bigger person, it's about being yourself.

[Mutt]

(hurting300)

I understand what your saying about being the bigger person, but I believe she may be back in a couple of weeks to her rebound who lives in the same city as me and I don't want to give her any impression that I would want anything else to do with her. I would sooner stay NC.

Hi English Sid,

I can understand how confusing a message like that may be. Other posters have stated that she regrets it and is apologetic. I think that life is in the grey area and not all white or black, I think it's a good idea to not focus all on the good times (it's not as simple as that) , recall the bad ones as well - look somewhere in the middle.

I don't think that there's a right or wrong here. You can say a simple "Thank you" if you chose to, or remain No Contact to give yourself space to heal  and there's a good chance that you may not hear from her if she's in a rebound either way.

[JohnnyShoes]

I'd proceed, but with extreme caution. I wouldn't 'expect' anything. Bottom line, like a member said: You know her, its your call. Best wishes to you though, whether you move on or choose otherwise

[apollotech]

English Sid,

That communication looks pretty good on the surface, but I see some problems with it. 1) The burden of reconciliation is being squarely placed on you: you're to forgive and not be angry just because she says that she's sorry. 2) I don't see any reassurances that whatever happened will not happen again. Nor do I see any proclamations from her of actions being taken on her behalf to assure said positive outcome.

The apology and acceptance of responsibility seems a bit hollow. Take care of yourself and do what's best for you.

[English Sid]

Thanks to everyone for their input.

I will not be making contact with her and have no thoughts of a reconciliation with her.

One problem I can foresee is that if she does come back to this city, after I had shipped most of her stuff and expected her to take all of the remaining items with her, she left some of her things in my apartment which she would not take with her when she went.

I have bagged them all.

Was this done for a reason, I don't want to throw them due to the fact that some of the things are valuable.