New with recently diagnosed daughter

[MomofAlexa]

I'm a mom of 2 girls and 3 step-sons. My oldest daughter, 16, whose Psychiatrist said he thinks she has BPD. This week, we saw another doctor who confirmed that she does in fact have BPD. I didn't understand exactly what that entailed but he gave a great explanation that basically made me realize how serious this is and how hard this is going to continue being. I am heartbroken at the statistical lack of a successful future for my very intelligent daughter and the struggles in life that she is going to face. So I'm very happy to have found this site and feel it will be a great resource.  Thank you

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[madmom]

Hello and welcome ,  My daughter started her most serious problems at the age of 16 also, although looking back there were "problems" for much longer, we just didn't recognize the severity of them.  Unfortunately, she was not diagnosed with BPD until much later, so I think you are lucky to know so early because you have a lot of hope for all of you. I wish I had found this site when my child was 16.  The tools, lessons, etc. have been invaluable to me.  My daughter is 27 now, and doing terrifically well.  She lives on her own, has a full time job, and in the last year has made changes in her friends and family relationships that are all positive.  I tell you this so you know there is hope.  Is everything perfect, of course not.  I still grieve at times for my "lost" dreams for the life I wanted for my daughter, but I have spent time working on myself---learning to validate, stop enabling, communicating better, and not getting lost in the FOG so much.  I am better, and so is she because I know how to be a better parent to her.  Please keep coming back and telling more of your story... .  we are all here to love, support and help you. You are not alone, we have all felt any feelings you are feeling, and are walking the same path (or should I say climbing the mountain, in a blizzard, in a bikini and flip flops)  Best wishes!

[livednlearned]

Hi MomofAlexa,

I wanted to join madmom in welcoming you to the site, and agree that you are fortunate your daughter was diagnosed during adolescence. Did the psychiatrist tell you about the book BPD in Adolescence by Blaise Aguirre? This is a helpful resource (there are also videos on the NEABPD site that are helpful).

The lessons and skills (in the sidebar to the right) are also good resources. I continue to learn and find new things there that help. The most useful skill is validation. It's one of those skills that I continue to apply with a lot of success.

Does you daughter understand what her BPD diagnosis means? What are some of the behaviors that you are most concerned with at the moment? How are the other kids responding to her behavior? You'll often hear BPD experts say that people with BPD are special needs kids, and I imagine that is particularly useful to know when you have a house full of siblings who must feel very sidelined by their sister's disorder.

There is hope here, MomofAlexa, and a lot of parents who understand what you're going through. You're not alone 

LnL

[lbjnltx]

Hi momofalexa,

Glad you are here.  My daughter was dx at 12 w/emerging BPD and I too believe it is a blessing to have a diagnoses and directives for care so early on in her life.

What are the pros recommending for addressing her disorder?  What kind of therapy is she in now?

lbj