Now what?

[ptilda]

As previously mentioned in multiple posts, my uBPDh moved out and is giving me ST, telling everyone he's done, but he's not (yet) filing for divorce, and if he does, he is almost certainly going to lose his current status since he's an immigrant who is here on a spouse visa.

So... .

I don't intend to divorce, but I have to be practical, and there's more at stake than a regular relationship because of the visa and whatnot. Yes, I am very knowledgeable about options, and right now I can't do a thing unless I want him deported, which is not what I want. I believe he'll come around. He's done this with friends and family before and then just "got over" whatever was bugging him. So while I know this is more in-depth than that, my question is how to deal now with situations such as him receiving mail here. He gave his key back and then immediately started to demand that I deliver things to him that he received. So I left them in a plain brown sealed envelope at his job. I included his key with a note and then when he texted (on 7/7/15and asked why I gave him his key back, I said:

"I want to be certain that you have access to the house and to any important mail you might receive. It must have been very frustrating for you to have to wait for me to get the items to you when you needed them. In the future, you will still have access and won't have to wait for me to find time and a way to make the delivery of your things."

No response (I didn't expect one).

That was 7/8/15

On 7/13/15 he received what looks like a medical bill or other medical papers. I took a photo of it (as I had done before) and texted it to him. No response and it's still sitting here.

Today he got something official looking.

Should I just text another photo? Should I write a message? Should I tell him I'll hang on to the mail for a certain period of time and then if he doesn't get it in a certain amount of time I'll just return to sender?

I'm okay with the continued silent treatment (not really, but I have to be). Just wondering how to move forward with the least amount of game playing... .thoughts?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[formflier]

Just wondering how to move forward with the least amount of game playing... .thoughts?

This is a wonderful... .healthy question to ask yourself!   

Many of us nons that end up with pwBPD like to "help" others... .even after they reject us.  We end up doing things for others that they should be doing for themselves.  It ends up insulating the other person from the consequences of their actions... .both good and bad...

So... .if I live with you... and decide to take off... .and you keep running around behind my back making sure my mail gets scanned and sent to me... .  Does that seem like "saving" me from the consequences of my decision to leave?

I would keep his mail together... .and maybe reach out once a week... to let him know you have it... .

Thoughts?

FF

[ptilda]

Just wondering how to move forward with the least amount of game playing... .thoughts?

This is a wonderful... .healthy question to ask yourself!   

Many of us nons that end up with pwBPD like to "help" others... .even after they reject us.  We end up doing things for others that they should be doing for themselves.  It ends up insulating the other person from the consequences of their actions... .both good and bad...

So... .if I live with you... and decide to take off... .and you keep running around behind my back making sure my mail gets scanned and sent to me... .  Does that seem like "saving" me from the consequences of my decision to leave?

I would keep his mail together... .and maybe reach out once a week... to let him know you have it... .

Thoughts?

FF

This is what I ended up doing. I texted him a photo of what was here on 7/13 (Monday a week ago), and then today (Sunday 7/19) sent a new photo via Facebook so I can receive confirmation when he looked at it (to make sure he got the information). I figure a photo is a safe way that does not invite conversation or response of any kind. Hopefully he doesn't see this as me reaching out to him personally but just me doing "the right thing".