Am I split good and the relationship split bad?

[shatra]

Hi---

  I recently contacted my partner (we were on a "break" after a relationship of several years, and when I initiated a contact he blurted out "Let's make it a breakup!).  I feel very anxious and sad, and can't get a clear answer from him.

   He said we "aren't married, what's the big deal about breaking up".  I wonder if this is him devaluing/splitting the relationship black?  He then says very glowing positive things about me... .

   Then he texted me: "I hope you will find someone better for you than I am. I wish you a good life".

  Does anyone have feedback on this? 

I am unsure---is glowing about me and then devaluing the relationship (after all it wasn't a marriage, etc.) splitting?

   I would normally take it seriously if a partner says "Find someone else. Have a good life".  But he has BPD so it may be the push-pull?

Thank you

Shatra

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Sunfl0wer]

It is hard to know for sure. It sounds to me like someone who is fishing... .  Trying to get you to convince him to be with you.

How do you feel?

What do you want?

[repititionqueen]

Hi Shatra,

I experienced a similar tactic from my ex, although we were only together 8 months. He wanted to break it off with me but then told me all sorts of wonderful things about me, even saying how "perfect" we were together and how great it was when we went out together in social settings etc. It was extremely confusing and hurtful. If he feels all these things why wouldn't he stay with me? I felt like once the weight of the relationship was lifted he felt more comfortable saying all the nice loving things that I would have wanted to hear during the relationship, through the safety of us no longer being together... .if that makes any sense?

He also said I was better without him. I hate to say it but he may have replacement lined up already? I believe mine did... .

We had two follow up conversations after our main break up and he so kindly told me that he had gone on some dates already although they weren't anything like me... .he also decided to tell me that he has girls that are "obsessed" with him. Narcissistic prick.

At the end of the day, with a borderline nothing makes sense. It just leaves a lot of questions marks and confusion. Sorry you're going through this.