Ex is going Facebook writing about another ex

[Depression = 72% of members]

Well yesterday after 2mo of silence my phone started blowing up!

Luckily it was friends, NOT my ex. Still, it was A LOT of drama I didn't need, yet it gave me some insight into my ex's current state.

Yesterday my ex's ex received a "barrage" of nasty texts from my ex.  This ex, we will call "Lisa", decided to delete our ex after she realized our ex had not changed.  They had dated long distance in 2008 and she was treated horribly... .but through the years she met someone else, married and then allowed my ex back in as a "friend". After meeting me and getting to know me she saw how our situations mirrored each other and out of respect for me, who actually became good friends with her through our relationship she decided to rid of the ex from her life altogether.

Unfortunately she was not the only ex that decided to do this.  Several did and now she has "no supply".

(heh heh). I did NOTHING. But people like me and I think seeing what happened to me triggered them to let her go.

Well my ex called Lisa a TON of names. Told her she had "no balls" and then accused her of trying to "make a play for Pretty Woman (Me)" and told her to "go ahead" and that she didn't want me. Then she told her she was "crying" and couldn't believe their many year relationship was ending the way it was.

She was ALL over the place.

Lisa did not repond and received over 25 texts in an hour.  Then it got worse. My ex posted a long rant on Facebook mentioning me and saying we mutually parted ways months ago (which is NOT true-she cheated and left) but I digress... .she mentioned she knew some people couldn't be "switzerland" and would leave but she was hurt the least people could do was "wish her the best on her journey" and impart "good blessings for her happy, new life"   then she ended it with she wished people would consider HER feelings and was sad no one could be happy for how happy and blessed she is to have found an amazing woman.

of course the ONLY people who commented were her two enablers, the ex of her new GF and that ex's new GF. Guess they are all besties now. .

She then cut and paste the Facebook post and sent it to Lisa via text... .. Because Lisa couldn't read her rant...

she deleted and blocked her off FB!


I have not heard a peep from my ex. I am painted blacker than black.  Now she is posting these couple pics all over of her and the new woman. In the pics she looks tired, worn and dysregulated. Our mutual friends are defecting from her FB slowly (as not to cause more issues)... .amazed that a 43yo would post so much adolesent garbage. It really is embarassing.

Now Lisa, we talked last night. I told her it was funny how our ex wished she gave her "happy blessings and wishes for the best" when in 2008 she left poor Lisa in a broken mess... .she cried for six months straight and it took her a year to get over their relationship. She completely abandoned her and told her she was worthless.

We then figured out that the only time my ex ever calls this woman is when:

1) She is in a new relationship (my ex)

2) She is dumping someone (my ex)

3) Lisa is in a new relationship (ex fishes to see how serious it is)

When I met Lisa I was in a new relationship with my ex. She was taking me to visit her "good friend" and ex. All it was was to show me she has an ex she is friends with... .

it's a mask. She has NO friends. Lisa is just a player in a game she plays with each new victim. Look at my friend... .but she really isn't my friend, just a prop.

I get worried because my ex lives a mile away. I hope she doesn't try to retaliate for anything. I haven't done anything. I think she is panicked because at one time she had five exes she could triangulate and rotate with and now she has none.

The mighty have fallen and to be honest, I don't give a flying F.

[Pretty Woman]

Well yesterday after 2mo of silence my phone started blowing up!

Luckily it was friends, NOT my ex. Still, it was A LOT of drama I didn't need, yet it gave me some insight into my ex's current state.

Yesterday my ex's ex received a "barrage" of nasty texts from my ex.  This ex, we will call "Lisa", decided to delete our ex after she realized our ex had not changed.  They had dated long distance in 2008 and she was treated horribly... .but through the years she met someone else, married and then allowed my ex back in as a "friend". After meeting me and getting to know me she saw how our situations mirrored each other and out of respect for me, who actually became good friends with her through our relationship she decided to rid of the ex from her life altogether.

Unfortunately she was not the only ex that decided to do this.  Several did and now she has "no supply".

(heh heh). I did NOTHING. But people like me and I think seeing what happened to me triggered them to let her go.

Well my ex called Lisa a TON of names. Told her she had "no balls" and then accused her of trying to "make a play for Pretty Woman (Me)" and told her to "go ahead" and that she didn't want me. Then she told her she was "crying" and couldn't believe their many year relationship was ending the way it was.

She was ALL over the place.

Lisa did not repond and received over 25 texts in an hour.  Then it got worse. My ex posted a long rant on Facebook mentioning me and saying we mutually parted ways months ago (which is NOT true-she cheated and left) but I digress... .she mentioned she knew some people couldn't be "switzerland" and would leave but she was hurt the least people could do was "wish her the best on her journey" and impart "good blessings for her happy, new life"   then she ended it with she wished people would consider HER feelings and was sad no one could be happy for how happy and blessed she is to have found an amazing woman.

of course the ONLY people who commented were her two enablers, the ex of her new GF and that ex's new GF. Guess they are all besties now. .

She then cut and paste the Facebook post and sent it to Lisa via text... .. Because Lisa couldn't read her rant...

she deleted and blocked her off FB!


I have not heard a peep from my ex. I am painted blacker than black.  Now she is posting these couple pics all over of her and the new woman. In the pics she looks tired, worn and dysregulated. Our mutual friends are defecting from her FB slowly (as not to cause more issues)... .amazed that a 43yo would post so much adolesent garbage. It really is embarassing.

Now Lisa, we talked last night. I told her it was funny how our ex wished she gave her "happy blessings and wishes for the best" when in 2008 she left poor Lisa in a broken mess... .she cried for six months straight and it took her a year to get over their relationship. She completely abandoned her and told her she was worthless.

We then figured out that the only time my ex ever calls this woman is when:

1) She is in a new relationship (my ex)

2) She is dumping someone (my ex)

3) Lisa is in a new relationship (ex fishes to see how serious it is)

When I met Lisa I was in a new relationship with my ex. She was taking me to visit her "good friend" and ex. All it was was to show me she has an ex she is friends with... .

it's a mask. She has NO friends. Lisa is just a player in a game she plays with each new victim. Look at my friend... .but she really isn't my friend, just a prop.

I get worried because my ex lives a mile away. I hope she doesn't try to retaliate for anything. I haven't done anything. I think she is panicked because at one time she had five exes she could triangulate and rotate with and now she has none.

The mighty have fallen and to be honest, I don't give a flying F.

[Heldfast]

Ok, you seem to be handling this well. I'm assuming you have her blocked on all social media, phone, etc? If not, maybe time to get blocking. Don't buy a ticket to that circus!

[greenmonkey]

I would step back, and look at you and your life now.

Just block everything as suggested - and concentrate on you.

My exgf, has now a limited supply as she could only play victim for so long. It is very hard to try and twist things around when you get thrown out of a house by someone who has the patience of a saint etc and try and twist the fact that you were lying.

Over the last few months - bear in mind nearly 9 months out I get new voicemail notifications, no missed number etc - all of which I ignore. Her supplies are running low and she is trying every resource she can - very sad

Distance yourself from the drama and look at it as escaping a bullet, and concentrate on you and your future. It really is not worth it.

[Pretty Woman]

Great Advice, Green Monkey.

I know mine is the "returning" type. The only exes she's never contacted were ones that went off on her... .or they carried a gun (a cop who dumped her, ).

She knows not to mess with them.

I have been very easy in the past. I know she will use our dog as leverage. I have already let her and the dog go in my mind.  There is NOTHING she could do... .no tears she could shed that would ever make me compromise the friends I have (that would kill me if I went back... .either that or institutionalize me)... .and I LOVE that.  I trust these friends like you wouldn't believe and I will never violate that ever... .esp for someone not worthy of TRUST in any sense.

Good Riddance.

[rotiroti]

Thank you for sharing your story PW! Seriously they *never* change. I was thinking of unblocking my ex from FB and even started thinking that one day I could befriend her. Like heldfast, no need to voluntarily buy a ticket to the circus!

[Pretty Woman]

NeverAgain,

  I am not kidding... .my ex friends all the exes that will have anything to do with her. She uses them as a "facade" for the new relationship.

All being friends will do is hurt you because they are just as awful unworthy friends as they were lovers... .with even LESS committment and regard for your feelings.

Now, they will b___ to you about the new beau OR better yet rub their new love in your face. Then in a "weak moment" or when they begin to see their new love isn't so "shiny" anymore... .they will convince you they want back... .you fall for them hook-line-and-sinker and they run right back to their ex.

Or they use you as "leverage" and triangulate you with their new poor schmoe. Remember that? Good times.

Not.

Ex-1

YOU-0

You are better off sticking your arm in a lion's cage at the zoo and having it ripped off than being friends with your ex.

I am going to put this bluntly.  If you don't share children (poor kids) why subject yourself to this torture over and over again?

If you lose an arm to a lion you probably won't stick your other arm... .or a leg into that cage after the experience... .why would you even contemplate trying friendship with a BPD, especially after how you were discarded, right?

Think about it.

[rotiroti]

NeverAgain,

  I am not kidding... .my ex friends all the exes that will have anything to do with her. She uses them as a "facade" for the new relationship.

All being friends will do is hurt you because they are just as awful unworthy friends as they were lovers... .with even LESS committment and regard for your feelings.

Now, they will b___ to you about the new beau OR better yet rub their new love in your face. Then in a "weak moment" or when they begin to see their new love isn't so "shiny" anymore... .they will convince you they want back... .you fall for them hook-line-and-sinker and they run right back to their ex.

Or they use you as "leverage" and triangulate you with their new poor schmoe. Remember that? Good times.

Not.

Ex-1

YOU-0

You are better off sticking your arm in a lion's cage at the zoo and having it ripped off than being friends with your ex.

I am going to put this bluntly.  If you don't share children (poor kids) why subject yourself to this torture over and over again?

If you lose an arm to a lion you probably won't stick your other arm... .or a leg into that cage after the experience... .why would you even contemplate trying friendship with a BPD, especially after how you were discarded, right?

Think about it.

Can you start a motivational seminar? Your posts always get me going in the best way possible! Lost it at the ex-0 you -0 part.

How do you remind yourself of the bad parts? I know after reading and studying I need to integrate the ex as a whole. That the good and bad parts were all parts of a single being, but I find myself idealizing the good parts to some extent. Does it get better with time or is it more of a conscious way to remind yourself?

[Pretty Woman]

Try writing a list of all the crap she did. Post it on your bathroom mirror. But at the bottom of that list put this:

•   She won’t change.

•   You can’t make her better.

•   She doesn’t love you.

•   Things really were that bad.

•   You can’t be friends with her.

•   She’ll keep abusing you for as long as you let her.

•   She isn’t going to move on to a new man and suddenly be great and normal. She’ll continue to be the same miserable woman   she was when she was with you, no matter how much she rubs your nose in how “terrific” her life is without you. THIS IS A LIE.

•   A few wonderful moments don’t make up for how abusive she is the majority of the time.

•   You deserve better.

•   You had a life before her; you’ll have a much happier life without her.


Just make sure to take the list down when company comes over to use the loo.

 

[Pretty Woman]

Never Again,

   It takes time.  You will know when you get there. I am 94% there.

I learned from jumping back into the fire multiple times and each time IS worse.

Now she is sharing special moments with the new person and that is what did it for me. Going to all OUR places. That is what killed it.

You will know young Jedi.  :)Trust me. And I hope you know sooner than I did.

[rotiroti]

Try writing a list of all the crap she did. Post it on your bathroom mirror. But at the bottom of that list put this:

•   She won’t change.

•   You can’t make her better.

•   She doesn’t love you.

•   Things really were that bad.

•   You can’t be friends with her.

•   She’ll keep abusing you for as long as you let her.

•   She isn’t going to move on to a new man and suddenly be great and normal. She’ll continue to be the same miserable woman   she was when she was with you, no matter how much she rubs your nose in how “terrific” her life is without you. THIS IS A LIE.

•   A few wonderful moments don’t make up for how abusive she is the majority of the time.

•   You deserve better.

•   You had a life before her; you’ll have a much happier life without her.


Just make sure to take the list down when company comes over to use the loo.

 

Wow thank you for that list! I found myself nodding to myself in agreement going through them. It was a bit sad to read that yes she doesn't love me, but I know they are incapable of the love we really seek. Is it bad that i feel comforted at the fact that she did love me in her own way during our r/s?

Things really were that bad.

Dang. This one hit home HARD. Things really were terrible. Anger, silent treatment, criticism, being told she hates me, AND throwing the engagement ring at me. I mean that's a pretty clear cut picture of ending things for people.

Thanks for keeping me strong this Wednesday!



ps. and a Star Wars reference to boot! Awesome

[lbjnltx]

Try writing a list of all the crap she did. Post it on your bathroom mirror. But at the bottom of that list put this:

•   She won’t change.

•   You can’t make her better.

•   She doesn’t love you.

•   Things really were that bad.

•   You can’t be friends with her.

•   She’ll keep abusing you for as long as you let her.

•   She isn’t going to move on to a new man and suddenly be great and normal. She’ll continue to be the same miserable woman   she was when she was with you, no matter how much she rubs your nose in how “terrific” her life is without you. THIS IS A LIE.

•   A few wonderful moments don’t make up for how abusive she is the majority of the time.

•   You deserve better.

•   You had a life before her; you’ll have a much happier life without her.


Just make sure to take the list down when company comes over to use the loo.

 

PW, is this universally true for all people with BPD traits?