My ex is happy with the new relationship

[butterfly 27]

Hello friends 

Sometimes when we talked she does not lose the opportunity to play in my face that she had never felt so happy and fall in love so hard for someone and feel more love for her new boyfriend that she felt for me someday.

But I have serious doubts that this "happiness" and all that "love", is really true or if she is pretending to see me hurt...

[HappyNihilist]

  Hello, butterfly, and welcome to the family.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.   It's understandable that you would be hurt by hearing these things. That's like reopening the wound, over and over.

You don't deserve that pain, regardless of whether it's a lie or not. Do you think that not talking to her might help you feel better?

To me, it sounds like there are two options, and both of them have the same end result for you.

1. She's lying to hurt you (knowingly)

2. She really is happy, and she's hurting you (knowingly) by talking about it

Either way, you're in pain.

Maybe now is the time to stop worrying so much about her happiness and start claiming your own? You deserve better than people who will knowingly try to hurt you.

We're here for you. Keep posting. It helps to talk.

[Schermarhorn]

Hello friends 

Sometimes when we talked she does not lose the opportunity to play in my face that she had never felt so happy and fall in love so hard for someone and feel more love for her new boyfriend that she felt for me someday.

But I have serious doubts that this "happiness" and all that "love", is really true or if she is pretending to see me hurt...

Mine was too. So happy they lasted a whole month.

[butterfly 27]

 Hello, butterfly, and welcome to the family.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.   It's understandable that you would be hurt by hearing these things. That's like reopening the wound, over and over.

You don't deserve that pain, regardless of whether it's a lie or not. Do you think that not talking to her might help you feel better?

To me, it sounds like there are two options, and both of them have the same end result for you.

1. She's lying to hurt you (knowingly)

2. She really is happy, and she's hurting you (knowingly) by talking about it

Either way, you're in pain.

Maybe now is the time to stop worrying so much about her happiness and start claiming your own? You deserve better than people who will knowingly try to hurt you.

We're here for you. Keep posting. It helps to talk.

There was a time after her break up with me and started dating my substitute where I was really depressed and hurt, but today I'm thinking more about me and trying to move on with my life.

She told me that I lost the "privilege" of having her  . I think my ex BPD and in general just keeps the relationship when it makes them happy, but as we know are never flowers in a relationship and when hard times come they leave out.

[Low C]

I sense that my ex would behave like this and, to be truthful, it's the number one reason I still avoid contact with her.  From what I've observed the relationships she maintains with her other ex's are all about the reactions she can get from them... .hurting them like you describe, engaging them as 'rescuers' in drama triangles, leaving them with the impression she's still interested in re-engaging with them, etc.  

Generally I'd like to have a positive relationship with an ex, but with the BPDex those are the terms of a post-break up relationship and I don't think it's healthy for either one of us.

[rotiroti]

Ola   I am sorry that you are hurting, it's always painful to see how our exes can move on so quickly   

There was a time after her break up with me and started dating my substitute where I was really depressed and hurt, but today I'm thinking more about me and trying to move on with my life.

She told me that I lost the "privilege" of having her  huh. I think my ex BPD and in general just keeps the relationship when it makes them happy, but as we know are never flowers in a relationship and when hard times come they leave out.

You have great insight to yourself, i think it's really your ex that lost a "privilege"!

[butterfly 27]

Ola   I am sorry that you are hurting, it's always painful to see how our exes can move on so quickly   

There was a time after her break up with me and started dating my substitute where I was really depressed and hurt, but today I'm thinking more about me and trying to move on with my life.

She told me that I lost the "privilege" of having her  huh. I think my ex BPD and in general just keeps the relationship when it makes them happy, but as we know are never flowers in a relationship and when hard times come they leave out.

You have great insight to yourself, i think it's really your ex that lost a "privilege"!

Hi rotiroti     

My ex is very egocentric, if things are not the way she wants, then she start to fight and insults you while you are making her happy is what matters to her.

Everything was always about her and when I spoke that she was hurting me for something she did then hell collapsed on me  . When we had problems she did not want to face it together, I could not count on her help for nothin... .I tried to tell her to leave our past in the past and live together our future but only the name of my ex does she get super jealous and angry accusing me still love them and cheat her ... .

[butterfly 27]

 Hello, butterfly, and welcome to the family.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this.   It's understandable that you would be hurt by hearing these things. That's like reopening the wound, over and over.

You don't deserve that pain, regardless of whether it's a lie or not. Do you think that not talking to her might help you feel better?

To me, it sounds like there are two options, and both of them have the same end result for you.

1. She's lying to hurt you (knowingly)

2. She really is happy, and she's hurting you (knowingly) by talking about it

Either way, you're in pain.

Maybe now is the time to stop worrying so much about her happiness and start claiming your own? You deserve better than people who will knowingly try to hurt you.

We're here for you. Keep posting. It helps to talk.

Hello HappyNihilist 

Thank you for your support 

I'm cutting all forms of contact with my ex, I'm tired, no matter how much I try to have a healthy friendship with her and that she still feel angry about me and want to see me unhappy and wishes the worst for me and says I lost the "privilege" to be with her and that is for me to deal with it. :'(

She puts herself on a pedestal and for her, she is an award that I have to fight to win  . Who does this kind of thing? Oh yes, she does it!   But not, I dont want that for my life anymore. I will not lie, I still love her very much but I can not stand, is not the first and last time she acts that way with me.  :'(

Well, now I feel like a huge weight coming out of my back and going for my replacement  . I feel sorry for him and the things she will do with it, but it's a vicious cycle that no have end. 

[Aussie0zborn]

She did the same thing when she met you and she will do it with the next guy and the guy after that. Why do you put yourself in this position? You should have had total no contact with this person. It's time for you to chalk it up as experience and move on. Good luck.

[blissful_camper]

I'm glad to hear you're cutting contact with her.  My take on it is she is behaving in hurtful ways because she is hurting. A happy person (truly happy) doesn't behave in ways that hurt others. Stepping away from your friendship with her is a positive step forward.    Saying "no more" means that you're making room for healthy people to enter your life. 

[BorisAcusio]

1. She's lying to hurt you (knowingly)

2. She really is happy, and she's hurting you (knowingly) by talking about it

Either way, you're in pain.

Also, it would be benefical to examine your real motives behind this friendship.

Malignant hope plus a person with fluid boundaries and poorly integrated personal/moral values equates to suffering.

[Mr Hollande]

But I have serious doubts that this "happiness" and all that "love", is really true or if she is pretending to see me hurt...

There's a childish need for her to rub it in your face which is probably a good indicator that she isn't that happy after all. Even if she is you know it's fleeting.

Shift the focus to yourself and your goals instead. Stay NC!