BPD and my moderate drinker... it quacks like a duck.

[kei2thehwy]

It never occurred to me, during her accusations that I have BPD, that she might have it. But it explains a lot.

As I consider her drinking (moderate), I was trying to find information on the old "alcoholic personality change" issue, but it seems to have evolved into a possible BPD whose occasional glass of wine or two leads her to threaten to kick me out immediately or call the police, that she hates my ADHD OCD (living elsewhere) child and he will never be any "good," as though "good" is actually definable... .Worse is that I am a bit narcissistic and ADHD (BPD?) myself. What a mess. Glad u guys are here.

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[married21years]

hi and welcome.

look up projection

[EaglesJuju]

Hi kei2thehwy, 

Welcome aboard.

I am sorry that you are going through this. 

One of the characteristics of BPD is the inability to control or regulate emotions and emotional vulnerability. People with BPD (pwBPD) are vulnerable to emotional stimuli and have intense responses when they are aroused. A pwBPD is unable to control their intense responses and have a difficult time self soothing. To alleviate the pain associated with intense negative emotions, such as anger, sadness, shame, guilt, a pwBPD  engages in impulsive behaviors. Impulsive behaviors, such as alcohol consumption, will temporarily help the pwBPD avoid emotions as an emotional regulation strategy, but the caveat is the more alcohol that is consumed the more disinhibited the pwBPD will become. Being intoxicated makes it virtually impossible to control emotions and emotional behavior. When consuming alcohol a pwBPD is even more hypersensitive then usual and can become easily irritated by anything that can be perceived as criticism.

From my experience, when my pwBPD drank I kept my distance. If I said something that he perceived as negative, he would lash out on me. The majority of his rages were alcohol induced. 

Perhaps you can share more of your story so we can help you better?

Looking forward to reading your response.