My girlfriend. Is BPD. With a medly of other issues.

[griffin855]

My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 months. And I love her dearly.

Sometimes her downward spirals are excruciating for me to figure out. And must be much more so for her.

I can say one thing, and it get's horribly distorted. I say, "I love you always and forever, baby!" (as she always says to me), and she randomly asks "Why did you say that?".

As conversations go on and I try and gently explain myself for why I say the things I do, (see above), she starts saying things like "You say just because I do", in respond to my "I say it because, as you say to me, I love you and I truly mean what I say love".

Then silence. And we know how it goes from there.

I love this woman dearly, and refuse to go anywhere as I see lots of other partners of someone with BPD do. But I want to know desperately how to make her feel better, how to make me feel better.

Silence and being quiet doesn't work. And when I try and talk things out, she gets hostile and puts my words in my face.

Good days are amazing. Amazing days are perfect. But days like today... .though they must be hell for her, are pure hell for me.

Most I could do for tonight was say I'm sorry, but bed in one hour for me (early shifts as a baker), and that I had to shower and go to bed. With apologies for any words that may have been misconstrued. With my reinforcement that I love her and a wish for a good night.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[babyducks]

Hi griffin855,

Welcome 

Please take a moment to visit the THE LESSONS which run down the right hand side of the screen.  That's where all the handy information is compiled in one spot.

As you already know it takes a lot to stay in relationship with pwBPD (person with Borderline Personality Disorder).  These can be very rewarding relationships but they are not simple or easy.   It takes a lot of effort to understand why your partner behaves the way she does.   And what your role is.

The good news is there are tools and skills that can help on those bad days when emotions are highly intense.   Boundaries, Validation, SET, JADE, DEARMAN, are all tools we use to help.   They take some getting use to and they take some practice to see how they best apply in your situation.  Unfortunately it's not one size fits all.

The best thing you can do for your girlfriend is to regularly come here, read and post.  It will help you, and your relationship.   Find a thread that relates to you, and join the conversation.   Ask questions.   Share what is happening in your r/s.  And Oh read the lessons on the right hand side of the page.

Welcome.

'ducks