New to BPDfamily

[Jemimah]

Hi,

I think my mother may have BPD but I'm not sure. Every time I see her or speak to her on the phone she upsets or hurts me.  I feel criticized, manipulated and controlled by her and always feel I'm defending or justifying myself to her.  I'm in my mid-forties and yet she makes me feel like a child who I'm constantly trying to gain approval and love from. I feel she is destroying me and I don't know what to do except withdraw from her.

[Leaving]

Hi Jemimah

Sorry you are having a bad day.  I understand how you feel around your mother.  If you're mother has always been this way, she may have a disorder like BPD or narcissism or both or even something else. 

There are many good resources on this website to read.

For now, it's probably best that you take a ' time-out' from your mother to give yourself some peaceful time alone to sort out how you're going to proceed with the relationship.  It's so difficult trying to relate to disordered people on any level but we can't change them.  We can only take charge of our own well being.  As difficult as it is to establish boundaries that protect us, it's necessary to learn how.  I decided to go no contact with my mother.  I've tried and tried and tried to have a relationship with her but it's truly impossible to do so without facing too much hardship.

Hope you stick around.  There's a lot of support here.  I'm sure other wise folks will respond to your post.  Hang in there.

[Kwamina]

Hi Jemimah

I'd like to join Leaving in welcoming you here. Having a parent with a personality disorder isn't easy.

Has your mother always behaved in a way that you now would classify as BPD?

How often do you see her or speak to her on the phone?

Your post makes clear that her behavior is really taking it's toll on you. To help protect your own well-being, I strongly encourage you to take a look at some material we have here about boundaries and asserting yourself:

Setting Boundaries and Setting Limits

COMMUNICATION: D.E.A.R.M.A.N. technique

Take care and I encourage you to keep posting here