we are just texting at the moment

[married21years]

she is controlling the amount of contact we have, after taking my daughter to paris, she was in touch to chat. just light stuff.

but if i say anything slightly she dosnt like she recoils.

then i get ST for a while. i always have to initiate contact

this is crazy and i cant point out the push pull so frustrating

arghhhhhhhh 

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Infern0]

she is controlling the amount of contact we have, after taking my daughter to paris, she was in touch to chat. just light stuff.

but if i say anything slightly she dosnt like she recoils.

then i get ST for a while. i always have to initiate contact

this is crazy and i cant point out the push pull so frustrating

arghhhhhhhh 

This was what I just went thorugh for the last 6 weeks or so, although she would sometimes text me first but it would always be at her convenience.

If it's getting to you now, it's going to continue to eat away at you, I hope you are able to get practical advice on the push/pull as I wasn't and it lead me to end things, best of luck i hope you do better.

[married21years]

thanks bud

i have friends i am trying to get through to, they know how much we loved each other. but she cant deal with the idea of me loving her

[Infern0]

thanks bud

i have friends i am trying to get through to, they know how much we loved each other. but she cant deal with the idea of me loving her

Same thing, it was actually the word itself which set off this last push/pull cycle, as soon as the words left my lips I KNEW what was coming and sure enough she pushed, HARD.

[married21years]

she said she cant let anyone love her!

 :'(

[Infern0]

she said she cant let anyone love her!

 :'(

I know the drill my friend, I feel for you I really do, as I say best of luck and I hope some of our better posters can give you some real advice on how to deal with this!

[married21years]

i have pointed out that she has abandonment issues after she said she felt abandoned.

and i pointed out the link to intimacy issues.

she has these issues to think about. but she is upwdpb and in denial!

but everyone knows how much we love each other.

her realization of my love for her is causing the problems. she just cant deal with being loved!

[ptilda]

Was there. After complete ST and him moving out and filing for divorce he made contact via text.

It is not uncommon for him to say "don't talk to me again" but then message me the next day. I've found that I can keep him updated on my illness (he seems to thrive on me being destitute). But I'll also go a bit longer without an answer. Maybe wait all day until the evening. Sometimes he reaches out, sometimes me. It's good for him to not be able to predict my actions in that way.

We're talking on the phone a bit and even in person too, so I think that's progress.

Divorce is still in motion as far as I know.

[married21years]

just got a burst of messages trying to keep her regulated and calm not easy by text

she seems to be putting feelers out

[married21years]

now she has triggered me says she dosnt want a relationship

OMFG this is painful, i just want to stay calm and give it a chance

[Daniell85]

If I were you, I would say "ok", then go quiet for a week. She is jerking you all over the place trying to get you to pat and soothe and beg her. Let her calm her own self. Maybe when she realizes every time she tries to jerk your chain, and you don't jump, she will do it less and start thinking about what she really wants.

My two cents from a cynical perspective these days.

[married21years]

thanks will try