Through the grapevine (from someone from her work) I found out my ex got fired from her job from leaving shifts early and lying about it, coming in often being hung over, and sleeping around with and "playing" too many customers, and they were starting to come into her work "ready to kill each-other."
I'm not sure what this says about myself, but I am a bit relieved by this news. Somewhere in me I DO wish her the best. I mean, I really do. I wish that for everyone. I am trying to have compassion for her as a human being. But... .man. I've had so much anger towards her too. And I felt like total crap for a long time and have really been struggling getting over this, and I have this weird perception of her that she is confident and cute and life is easier for her now that I'm gone, even though I felt like I gave her so much.
But this further shows me that she is indeed an unstable individual (in a lot of ways she hid this pretty well from me) and that it didn't have all that much to do with me at all (her getting a replacement so soon). I'm starting to take this all a lot less personally as I find out that her life continues to be a drama filled mess and I realized I made a good choice walking away.
I have the same thoughts. Part of me makes her want to "pay" for what she did to me, but the other part feels really sorry for her.
They don't want to be who they are. Something tragic happened to them to make them act this way.
In the end if I could make her life better, I would. But nothing can be done, we can only observe this terrible illness. Both sides suffer.
