Help to change my situation

[Taipan]

Hi

I think my romantic partner has BPD but it's undiagnosed, it's just from me reading and researching that find my self think it's BPD, I have been with him 15years, feel like am going crazy, have left and been thrown out my home more times than I can count, he goes from been normal to crazy in a split second, totally unpredictable, love and hate seem like the same think to him, dismissing any outburst as in the past and not worth talking about, never excepting or taking responsibility for his actions, he's stolen everything I own, lost me my career, made sure if I leave I leave with nothing.  I am very resourceful but have totally ran out of options, to money to run away, lost with no where to turn, I have two children left at hope feel helpless as to how to get out get my head straight from his crazy making please advise would be greatly appricated ... .

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[123Phoebe]

Hi Taipan and welcome,

15 years is a long time to deal with up and down, totally unpredictable BPD behaviors; I feel for you

When you get a chance, please read through the material provided on the right side of the page--  "Before you can make anything better, you must stop making it worse", followed by links to The Lessons.  I cannot emphasize how important and informative it all is, just unbelievably so.

If you can wrap your brain around the fact that we are the other half of the relationship and that what we do and say and our behaviors contribute to a lot of the fall-out, you'll be well on your way to a better life.

Yes, our partners have issues; it's a given.  What's harder to connect to for some odd reason, is that we also have our very own issues and they somehow fit and feed into our partners issues.

Try to keep an open mind and heart while reading and posting and whatever else you do while learning all you can about this very confusing disorder.  There will likely be many "Whoa... ." moments and insights.

There is no shame in the part we might have played in this dance with our partners.  And if we can keep the blame thermometer turned down low where they are concerned, there very well might be some really great days/years/decades ahead!

There is hope, Taipan

You've posted on the Staying board.  Is this what you'd like to do?  Are you living in the same house right now?  What has he stolen?  Do you have a job?

It's good to have you here, I'm glad you found us

[an0ught]

Hi Taipan,

I am very resourceful

you are certainly not alone here on the board. In some way the hole in which you are is so deep because you had so much energy. Being in a relationship with a pwBPD often feels like trying to fill a black hole. We throw everything at it and it does not fill. If we feel strong we are tempted to throw more than we can afford  .

The good news is your resourceful manner will help you now to climb out of the hole. You already made the second step, first finding us and then deciding to join us  . When you employ similar persistence to learning to protect the limited resources you have and communicate in a way that is most effective you will see significant change. It will take to undo what has happened and some can not be undone but it is entirely possible to return to a stable life and a relationship in which respect has meaning. A good staring point are the LESSONS (sticky topic at the top of the topic threads list).

,

a0