NC to LC with lil sis... Follow-up report

[Our abuse recovery guide]

Well, I posted last week asking for some advice to help get through a day around my BPD sister, and I got some GREAT advice and ideas! All worked great and were very helpful, but nothing could have prepared me for what I encountered with her!

First off, my normally chubby, uncoordinated, alcoholic sister has lost about 40 lbs in the last 4 months, stopped drinking, and started cross-fit! What? At first I was really happy for her thinking that maybe she was getting her life back on track.

Then she proceeded to tell me that she left her job, and is basically blackmailing the company with a (fake) sexual harassment suit! She got 4 months severance, and was actually LAUGHING about this! She's going to take off to party in New Orleans for a while, leaving her druggie husband behind so he can continue to work and go to his NA/AA meetings.

And all I could think (but of course NEVER SAY) was WHAT HAPPENS AFTER 4 MONTHS? What about getting another job. (That she will of course annihilate the way she has the last 5 jobs.) And what about all the damage you cause to me and the family with your insane, untreated ranting and ravings?

I'm so tired of all of it. I'm trying to maintain SOME semblance of a relationship, which as you know is totally one-sided, for my aging father to have some emotional stability in his old-age. But honestly, sometimes it's really hard to not hate her for her selfishness and temper-tantrums. Does it ever get better?

[Charlie3236]

Well, I posted last week asking for some advice to help get through a day around my BPD sister, and I got some GREAT advice and ideas! All worked great and were very helpful, but nothing could have prepared me for what I encountered with her!

First off, my normally chubby, uncoordinated, alcoholic sister has lost about 40 lbs in the last 4 months, stopped drinking, and started cross-fit! What? At first I was really happy for her thinking that maybe she was getting her life back on track.

Then she proceeded to tell me that she left her job, and is basically blackmailing the company with a (fake) sexual harassment suit! She got 4 months severance, and was actually LAUGHING about this! She's going to take off to party in New Orleans for a while, leaving her druggie husband behind so he can continue to work and go to his NA/AA meetings.

And all I could think (but of course NEVER SAY) was WHAT HAPPENS AFTER 4 MONTHS? What about getting another job. (That she will of course annihilate the way she has the last 5 jobs.) And what about all the damage you cause to me and the family with your insane, untreated ranting and ravings?

I'm so tired of all of it. I'm trying to maintain SOME semblance of a relationship, which as you know is totally one-sided, for my aging father to have some emotional stability in his old-age. But honestly, sometimes it's really hard to not hate her for her selfishness and temper-tantrums. Does it ever get better?

[HappyChappy]

Sounds like you did well at the meeting. So to summaries, your normally chubby, uncoordinated, alcoholic sister has annihilate 5 jobs and lost 40 pounds. She is abandoning her NA/AA hubby to party in New Orleans and all this is NOT a soap opera ? I fully understand why you are LC to NC. I doubt it will get better. Some battles aren’t worth the bloodshed. Your sister sounds straight out of Dallas the TV show. And watching Dallas was painful enough. Much harder if you’re emotionaly attached. At least you know what’s behind it all.  

[Panda39]

My first thought was she is gearing up to look for a new man (to take care of her since she has no job) 

[Charlie3236]

I did kind of have that same thought, or maybe hooking up with her crazy cheating ex in New Orleans. Yes, the drama, drama, drama! All I did was play it cool and boring, and she pretty much left me alone when she realized she couldn't get a rise out of me. So I took that as a positive.

It's really hard watching someone I've known my whole life go completely off the deep end, and know there's nothing I can do and very little chance short of a miracle that she'll ever get better.

Thanks for all your help and support here... .it really does make it easier. ❤️

[Panda39]

IAll I did was play it cool and boring, and she pretty much left me alone when she realized she couldn't get a rise out of me. So I took that as a positive.

Nice job not engaging in the drama, I know that can be tough to do sometimes 

I'm on these boards because my SO's (significant other's) ex is uBPD and we used to get all worked up about her and what she was doing and about becoming homeless and what that would mean for the kids.  One time while talking to his mom about his ex about to be evicted she told him "She's like a cat and always lands on her feet" and we have found that to be true. Evicted 3 times, couch surfed 3 times, and now living in hotels for months at a time.  Is that the ideal way to be living no but is she homeless on the street no.  Sometimes these things are hard to watch but ultimately people make their own choices and we can't control them we can only control our own actions.

Panda39