i need serious help

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Feel less lonely, isolated or judged

This past 1 year, I have managed to isolate myself, I feel lonely as ever. And I feel I have lost in touch of what normal is. I am here to gain back control in my life. I know for a fact, that last year, I lost control, and I was brainwashed, I was under the spell of another. It is a scary thought, looking back. I feel that I am free, but I also feel I'm still stuck. Even though she has acknowledged I don't love her the way I 'use to'. I still feel stuck, because she wants to be friends. And she has convinced me that she will always love me forever. She says she will never go with anyone else. And she will resign her life to me in her memories. This is realistic, because she is aging now. I'm younger. She has never told me directly, but I've become aware from sources that she has cycled guys for years now. When this first came to me, I had already started my relationship with her, and I was also under that spell too. So it just complicated things more, and I began to lose myself more.

I want to free myself, and feel normal again. I wasn't a completely happy person before I met her. And I realize that I was attracted to her for that reason. And ?'possibly'? she "targeted" me for that reason too. Is 'targeted' the right word to use here? I don't even know!

I'm here for practical advice. I want to know where to go, what to look for. I have done some research alone, and I've been building myself up, my self worth, I want to become someone immune to the seductive powers of others. I don't want others to fill up any kind of need within me. But I want to go about it the right way. I still want to be vulnerable, but in a healthy, balanced way.

I have seen a therapist for myself, but it was for a different reason. Not for the relationship. It was for myself, my own self worth, my own direction in life. It helped somewhat, because it led to a few resources that helped me gain a better understanding of why I was the perfect 'set up' for this. I'm using these quotes, because I'm assuming things that I think are true. I was targeted, for no other reason, but to supply validation and support to her.

I hope I can get through this. I want a stronger, better, a happier life. And because of the powerful impact this 1 year has had on me, I'm hope to stick around, to help others. Because only God knows the internal torment that I've been through. Its hard to put into words. Again, I'll use quotes here, "i'm not sure if it has anything to do with this, but the weaker and more vulnerable the man (or woman), the deeper the emotional wounds will be".

On paper, these things make sense. I've been through so many stages. Did she really love me? Does she still love me as much as she says she does? Even though I don't love her now, I do care for her. And I know she is struggling internally. But I have come to the point where I care about myself too.

I haven't scratched the surface about where I am at, and what I hope to accomplish in my relationship with her. Hope I get the chance to share some of my story, and most of all, i'm here for self improvement.

In a nutshell, I'm in a mess. I feel physically and emotionally sick and weak. I'm mad at her, but at the same time, I know I should not be. I should be mad at myself. I use to be. But now I'm learning to find some compassion, both for myself and her. But I keep going back on this, emotions leak out, and I end up attacking her, and also hating myself at times. Even though I've moved beyond the first stage of mutual love between us, she is still stuck in my head like glue, despite the fact that I know why this happened. And why she is the way she is.

I don't even know if she had BPD. But I strongly strongly suspect it. Fear of abandonment being a big one. I have never labeled her as being borderline. The most I've done is send her a self help DBT workbook, this was during our just friends stage. Or I should say, my friend stage. She has always maintained she will love me forever, so she will never consider me an ex.

I'll say one thing, I do care about her.

[iwantnormal]

Feel less lonely, isolated or judged

This past 1 year, I have managed to isolate myself, I feel lonely as ever. And I feel I have lost in touch of what normal is. I am here to gain back control in my life. I know for a fact, that last year, I lost control, and I was brainwashed, I was under the spell of another. It is a scary thought, looking back. I feel that I am free, but I also feel I'm still stuck. Even though she has acknowledged I don't love her the way I 'use to'. I still feel stuck, because she wants to be friends. And she has convinced me that she will always love me forever. She says she will never go with anyone else. And she will resign her life to me in her memories. This is realistic, because she is aging now. I'm younger. She has never told me directly, but I've become aware from sources that she has cycled guys for years now. When this first came to me, I had already started my relationship with her, and I was also under that spell too. So it just complicated things more, and I began to lose myself more.

I want to free myself, and feel normal again. I wasn't a completely happy person before I met her. And I realize that I was attracted to her for that reason. And ?'possibly'? she "targeted" me for that reason too. Is 'targeted' the right word to use here? I don't even know!

I'm here for practical advice. I want to know where to go, what to look for. I have done some research alone, and I've been building myself up, my self worth, I want to become someone immune to the seductive powers of others. I don't want others to fill up any kind of need within me. But I want to go about it the right way. I still want to be vulnerable, but in a healthy, balanced way.

I have seen a therapist for myself, but it was for a different reason. Not for the relationship. It was for myself, my own self worth, my own direction in life. It helped somewhat, because it led to a few resources that helped me gain a better understanding of why I was the perfect 'set up' for this. I'm using these quotes, because I'm assuming things that I think are true. I was targeted, for no other reason, but to supply validation and support to her.

I hope I can get through this. I want a stronger, better, a happier life. And because of the powerful impact this 1 year has had on me, I'm hope to stick around, to help others. Because only God knows the internal torment that I've been through. Its hard to put into words. Again, I'll use quotes here, "i'm not sure if it has anything to do with this, but the weaker and more vulnerable the man (or woman), the deeper the emotional wounds will be".

On paper, these things make sense. I've been through so many stages. Did she really love me? Does she still love me as much as she says she does? Even though I don't love her now, I do care for her. And I know she is struggling internally. But I have come to the point where I care about myself too.

I haven't scratched the surface about where I am at, and what I hope to accomplish in my relationship with her. Hope I get the chance to share some of my story, and most of all, i'm here for self improvement.

In a nutshell, I'm in a mess. I feel physically and emotionally sick and weak. I'm mad at her, but at the same time, I know I should not be. I should be mad at myself. I use to be. But now I'm learning to find some compassion, both for myself and her. But I keep going back on this, emotions leak out, and I end up attacking her, and also hating myself at times. Even though I've moved beyond the first stage of mutual love between us, she is still stuck in my head like glue, despite the fact that I know why this happened. And why she is the way she is.

I don't even know if she had BPD. But I strongly strongly suspect it. Fear of abandonment being a big one. I have never labeled her as being borderline. The most I've done is send her a self help DBT workbook, this was during our just friends stage. Or I should say, my friend stage. She has always maintained she will love me forever, so she will never consider me an ex.

I'll say one thing, I do care about her.

[iwantnormal]

i just want to correct something. this thread is in the wrong forum. i do not want to improve my relationship with a 'borderline'.

i want to get out of this relationship, and move on with my own life. if possible, could a moderator please move this thread into the correct forum? thank you