Getting the "friend" thrown in my face

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Ok. I am guessing your ex doesn't know actually how she really feels and is still upset over this. Not to invalidate your experiences of her being upset over a lot.

I guess if I were you, I would let the status quo ride and not make any moves for a few days while you try and do some other stuff to replenish yourself and get some enjoyment from your weekend.

Gives her time to think, too.

Hard to disengage, but sometimes if I go clear my head a bit, I feel better and can think of my next step.

[Daniell85]

Ok. I am guessing your ex doesn't know actually how she really feels and is still upset over this. Not to invalidate your experiences of her being upset over a lot.

I guess if I were you, I would let the status quo ride and not make any moves for a few days while you try and do some other stuff to replenish yourself and get some enjoyment from your weekend.

Gives her time to think, too.

Hard to disengage, but sometimes if I go clear my head a bit, I feel better and can think of my next step.

[LostGhost]

What in the world. I was really rooting for you mistomaple. It seemed like from the messages she was sending you a few days ago she was all about you, missing you and wanting to get back together. This seems like a control thing maybe. She asked you to do something that she knew you would not like and when you did it, she probably sat back and relaxed for the first time in weeks knowing that she still owns your heart basically. I'm really not sure what to make of it. I would keep that friend off facebook a while and just go back to no contact for a few days maybe, focus on yourself and see what happens?

[Lou12]

Mistomaple... .all perfectly normal! Pls see my previous post where I say... Coming back can result in them cold shouldering you further. This is the nature of the beast. You will deal with thus better always knowing you done the right thing. I'm telling you and I'm mean it you have to be a door mat. Sorry but true. You won't win but you do have a result with a your BPD and these my friend are the best results you'll get x

[rotiroti]

Lots of great insights shared by Nextinline, but I wanted to add something to this segment:

But, the final and most depressing scenario with these BPD behaviours if that their family seem to condone it and just accept it by saying "Oh, that's just the way she/he is. He/she is just emotional and passionate about what they think." They just don't see the problem and there is no way that anyone can intervene to help these people in some way.

After I was put through the hate-wringer, I genuinely started feeling sorry for her family. It was the only way they knew to control her rage - somehow they learned along the way that not engaging (no contact to some degree) was a way to cope with the rage attacks. It truly is a sad situation for everyone involved, including the pwBPD

---

Sorry to read that update Mistomaple,

it really is a lose-lose situation when dealing with a pwBPD. On one hand we would like to show them we care, but that sort of compliance can seem like weakness and can play into being painted black. It certainly happened to me and you can't be blamed for having trust and love for another.

[shatra]

roti wrote

On one hand we would like to show them we care, but that sort of compliance can seem like weakness and can play into being painted black.

---True. Sometimes the more we show love to them, the sooner they paint us black

[Mistomaple]

Having to take another moment of emotional detachment for myself. My Ex and I have been communicating pretty well and have talked about our feelings and our relationship break. I currently seem to be receiving the lesser of the attention as she has taken to spending time with her old LDR boyfriend. Playing online games, exchanging casual messages and posting pictures of back when they were together and how good a memory it was (Nothing flirty or sexual). But then again it does make me feel played with and it is pretty harmless I guess (She says she has no feelings or interest in hooking up with other people). Just taking it at face value and reducing contact for the time being. Not gonna try and fight for attention and look like a control freak.

[Lou12]

Mistomsple I've had this before and quite honestly I told him firmly 'this is a boundary that has been crossed' I refuse to speak to or give you attention whilst this other girl is on the scene. It worked because he stopped trying to triangulate me with girls. It was an absolute no no for me.

Was wondering how your getting on?

Mine back, just yesterday the recycle began but I have decided to ignore all indirect contact at present and see if I get something more direct in the near future! Problem with that though is my instincts tell me he'll split me blacker more so this time because I've made him directly reach out and that will make him feel anger and shame! We'll see!

X

[EaglesJuju]

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