Enmeshed DSD goes off to college

[sanemom]

And I keep hoping this would be the best thing for her, but I can tell that BPD mom is still using her as a pawn.  Even though it is several hours away, BPD mom drives up there every weekend to see her... .surely, that will get old for DSD as the semester goes on.  When BPD mom goes there, she makes sure she lets DH know since DSD won't talk much with him (alienated pretty good).  I told DH that it is like BPD mom still wants to get DH's attention and is using DSD... .as if DH will start communicating to BPD mom about DSD.

The first week, DSD did actually text us more than she has in years, but I guess because she is still so tethered to BPD mom that has stopped.  She won't tell us where she lives (which dorm), etc. 

Her brothers see DSD as being overreactive (they are no longer alienated because we have really worked with them and they do not have much time with BPD mom).

I am really hopeful that DSD is able to stay in college and get unenmeshed.

What typically happens with a BPD parent when their GC goes to college?

[Nope]

It will really depend on how severe the BPD mom's acting out behaviors are. DSD might get to the point where spending every weekend catering to her mom gets old, but these kids aren't stupid. If her mom's tolerance of her even being at college is bought at the price of every one of her weekends then DSD knows that. From reading the adult children of BPD parents posts, I get the sense that enmeshed (golden child) adult children of BPD parents don't believe their BPD parent is normal, they've just spent their entire childhoods learning how not to rock the boat.

I would keep letting DSD know you are there for her and then hope for the best. From what I remember about being off at college, I almost only called home when I needed something or wanted to complain about something. The rest of the time I was busy with classes, working my on-campus job, or spending time with friends. So I think under the best of circumstances you wouldn't be able to expect much. But not even getting told where she lives is definitely about keeping her mom happy.