Hoarding Again

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I went to check on my son (23 but high functioning autism) and bring him food. I think I'm in shock from what I saw. My BPD husband has destroyed our home. I left the home three weeks ago, suddenly. He gets abusive and I ran. He already has boxes quite literally everywhere. He's begun hoarding empty food boxes again. He likes to put them on display. I have no words to describe what I saw. I didn't think he could accululate that much stuff in the two weeks since I last brought my son food. I cannot believe my own eyes.

[kbd]

I went to check on my son (23 but high functioning autism) and bring him food. I think I'm in shock from what I saw. My BPD husband has destroyed our home. I left the home three weeks ago, suddenly. He gets abusive and I ran. He already has boxes quite literally everywhere. He's begun hoarding empty food boxes again. He likes to put them on display. I have no words to describe what I saw. I didn't think he could accululate that much stuff in the two weeks since I last brought my son food. I cannot believe my own eyes.

[once removed]

hey kbd 

i can certainly see why youd be in shock from what you saw. it sounds surreal and to see your son living in this environment must have been overwhelming  .

how are you feeling today?

[Lifewriter16]

Hi kbd,

I went to a training course on autism today and apparently people with autism have something called 'clutter blindness' which manifests rather like hoarding. Could your BPD husband be on the spectrum as well as your son? It often runs in families.

Just a thought... .personality disorders are often co-morbid with autism, I am told.

Love Lifewriter

[kbd]

I've often wondered if my husband was on the spectrum as I thought his social skills were poor. He never maintained friendships, though when he had a friendship, conversation was easy. I now understand that this is part of his BPD. When a friend lost his/her usefulness dh simply let them slip away, unless he found need for them again, ie borrowing money, cars, favors etc. My son, though he is on the spectrum is actually very organized and tidy. His room is neat as a pin, he doesn't come out much and I assume, with good evidence, that he didn't even know the hoarding had begun until it was already out of control.

Dh actually hoards for very traditional reasons. His mother died when he was 13, and his father threw him away when he was 16. He attempts to gather things that remind him of his childhood. He tries to recreate his mother's home and everything he sees that reminds him of this time is taken home and "preserved". Something as simple as a "retro" cereal box, a reprinted soda bottle (like the old fashioned coke bottles) becomes valuable to him. He also hoards anything media related, old movies, music, in any form, even 8-track and every piece of equipment meant to play these items, is of value, broken or perfect. One working tv for our livingroom is never enough. He believes he's outsmarting the manufacturer if he has more than one spare somewhere in case the one we own breaks. It makes no difference if they work or not, he says he's saving them, "for parts".