Observing the new r/s...

[Herodias]

Due to the fact that my husband's gf posts "everything" to Facebook, I am able to observe what is going on with them. It is fascinating... .It all started out a year and a half ago, when they were messing around at work. They were actually written up and separated to different stores. He completely cast her black and we were ok for awhile. Then after he was involved with another woman and I caught him in my bed with on Xmas, I threw him out. Those two split up. His company transferred him to the current gf's store last Jan. (forgetting about the affair) and they reconnected. I know they became involved again in Feb and started seeing each other. She was moved to another store in March, then she left her husband, whom she was just telling everyone on FB how much she loved him in Feb.! My husband was still telling me everyday that he loved me... .until she posted a vacation they took together in May. That's how I found out about her- a friend told me she tagged him in the photos, he had told me he was working out of town! That was it for me. I know he was not going to do the work to stop drinking and get help. Next came all the love-bombing by her on Facebook. It actually wasn't him doing it. He let her post all kinds of crazy love-bombing posts to his wall. Not one of his friends liked any of it... .as both of them are still married. Well, that has now turned into her posting articles about how he should be acting if he is going to be her husband. I will spare you all the details, be she is ready to have him move in and marry her. Of course! But now, somethings happened... .all the love-bombing stopped, she is confused, can't make decisions, is unhappy, people at work are gossiping about her and she is posting articles about how he needs to pay attention to her and not be looking at his phone all the time, etc. He was always doing that, especially when he was involved with someone else. It's interesting to me because I am able to see everything she is going through and relate. This more than likely will not happen again for me to see with the next one,  I know it's best to go no contact, but in my case, I am strong enough to handle this and look at it as a phycological study. I see him doing all he did with me... .leaving notes around the house... .etc. She posts EVERTHING... .I am telling you! She has posted an article about when things become "boring" too! I guess things are already dull! I wonder really why she left her husband. I think because he is a truck driver, she was lonely and my husband swooped in and gave her attention. A friend of mine and I are analyzing this... .my friend thinks that she will not put up with him as long as I did at all. She is only 26 and probably will see the behavior and leave faster- not sure. The crazy thing is, her roommate is a cop, her other friend is a therapist and she used to work in a detention center! You would think she could see this for what it is! He has a criminal record too! We will see, but I wanted to share, because it shows they do not change... .not at all! He is probably involved with someone else at this point too. When this all blows up, I more than likely will not know who and what he is doing, so I see this as my chance to study him. It doesn't bother me anymore. The only thing I am upset about is how duped I was and angry at myself for staying so long. It is scary to know these people are out there just going around abusing and messing with peoples emotions. You can't warn the new people, because they won't believe you. The only thing I did, was if anyone is interested,  they can look at my Facebook page and see the part that is open to the public, there is a saying that says "The scars you share become lighthouses for other people who are headed to the same rock you hit"  with a link to the narcissist support group, where that person can learn all about the disorder. In this case, it doesn't even matter the BPD side of him... .the NARC side has taken over. I hope that helps someone if they choose to look, but I have done all that I can do.

[shatra]

Thanks for posting.  Actually, I have heard that all narc's have some BPD traits, and all BPD's have some narcissistic traits.

   Could this new person have BPD as well? Because of the love-bombing, the craving attention, the posting publicly of very personal things on facebook, the back and forth cut-offs with him, etc. it could be.

   If things blow up with her, do you think he would try a recycle with you?

[Herodias]

Do you mean when things blow up? Doubt it, he might, but he probably has someone else in addition to her... .She could be BPD, have had that thought. We feel she may be just young, immature and inexperienced in relationships. She did say she requires lots of attention. Having been with her husband for 6 years... .who is normal. She is from the mountains of Tennessee. She comes from a very small town of 1600. I am sure she has never seen the likes of him!

[enlighten me]

I did the same on fb with my exgf. It was handy to gauge how she would be when I picked up or dropped off my son. After a while you spot the patterns. You can tell when they are happy and when they are bored. I predicted a lot by it and even hazarded a guess when her last relationship would end. I was within about 10 days but I could have been closer as her ex may not have changed his settings straight away.

It can be  painful thing to do so not for the faint hearted.

[sirensong65]

My ex is bi polar and ADD as well as BPD (undiagnosed).  He got with a gal that is also bi polar and she does the same thing. She has a blog, Instagram and FB and she puts ALL out there.  The gushing and then they fight and he cries or puts his fist through the wall, posts that too.  I am just flabbergasted why anyone would think this is normal behavior (shaking head).

[ReneeMurphy523]

I agree with enlighten me, looking at the ex's social media is not for the faint hearted, but if you any of us have come to the point where it doesn't trigger us, LOOK!  Haha, as I am sure it can be somewhat entertaining and pretty revealing.

Herodias-my ex was hyper active on SM, an over-sharer to say the least.  It was the perfect platform for him to appear a certain way-good guy, cool, etc, whatever.  All fake-fakebook. 

His new girl-pretty sure she is with him, is a fellow co-worker as well ( I used to work with him too).  I always liked her but she seems slightly unstable.  She oveshares on FB, too.  Really personal things, about seeing a therapist and how she needs to love herself, etc.  Posts about her abusive ex bf.  She puts it all out there.  I can't help but think if this relationship continues, what will she post about him?  They work together, so they have to keep it on the down low, but she seems like she may not be able to, and that will make him uncomfortable cause he can't control the situation----and he loves to control the relationship.  I feel sorry for her, but it looks like maybe he may have a dose of his own medicine coming.  She at least may have some borderline traits, and my ex seems borderline with a good dose of narcissist.

I am much older than her and more in control of my emotions and how I present them.  She is younger, has more emotional issues it seems, and a lack of restraint.  I can't help but think if/when things go sour, what will she post?       He has a lot at stake with this, not only his reputation but his professional life.  I am quite honestly surprised, even though he is impulsive, put himself in this situation.  He even told me when I was still with him that he thought, "She is a kind of a mess."  ----referring to his (suspected) new woman.

Wowzers.

[Herodias]

Mine seems to pick up almost all his women through work! It must be a way to enjoy the day for him. He used to tell me I could come work for him and be his special assistant, crazy. I don't know how he gets them to keep it all to themselves. The other employees see what's going on. He was even written up for this with the current gf, so... .some people never learn! He claims another one is a stalker and had her fired! This current one is friends with two of them on Facebook! She became friends with the one I found in my bed on Xmas a couple months ago when he became friends with her again! What's up with that? He told me she needed a job referral- I don't believe it. I think she is one of those women that likes to cheat with married men. I really think she was in my house another time as well.  Something about how she acted. I trust my gut now. That night I called the police and through the 911 operator, I let her know all about the BPD, the guns and the domestic violence. Why would she be friends again with him... .and with the new gf for that matter! These people are sick. I am sure he told her I am the one that is crazy. Maybe she is watching the new gf to see what happens to. It's soo sickening!  "Publix, where shopping is a pleasure"... .seriously. A pleasure for some of  the employees! Gross!