Confused but strong

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

Dear all,

It has been since may since I took the decission to take a plane and leave my borderliner loved one. I felt bad for what I did.  This time I took a different approach. Instead of being sad only. I Hired a personal coach,  lost 23 kilo and did not contact him any more as I did during the first breakup. We had initial contact in the beginning, about him wanting to send some stuff of me back, which I foundation interesting cause he usually would destroy things when he was mad. This has been since May. He dissapeared from social media. But two weeks ago I got a friendship request via Facebook from him and when I wanted to look at his profile, I found out I was blocked. Why would you send a request only to block me? Although I am in a strong er place than I have been. I am still puzzels.  Any one any thoughts

[Hannibal Heyes]

Dear all,

It has been since may since I took the decission to take a plane and leave my borderliner loved one. I felt bad for what I did.  This time I took a different approach. Instead of being sad only. I Hired a personal coach,  lost 23 kilo and did not contact him any more as I did during the first breakup. We had initial contact in the beginning, about him wanting to send some stuff of me back, which I foundation interesting cause he usually would destroy things when he was mad. This has been since May. He dissapeared from social media. But two weeks ago I got a friendship request via Facebook from him and when I wanted to look at his profile, I found out I was blocked. Why would you send a request only to block me? Although I am in a strong er place than I have been. I am still puzzels.  Any one any thoughts

[once removed]

hey hannibal heyes 

i did experience something similar. twice, my ex has sent a friend request only to delete it a few hours later. theres not much sense to be made of this. the way i see it there are two options. it could be a method to bait you to contact him. it could have been legitimate longing to contact you, followed by a swing to longing to block you.

how are you feeling as a result?

[Schermarhorn]

He may have found potential supply.

My ex did this once. Sent me a message and blocked me when I responded 6 hours later. Turns out she got a "boyfriend" in that time.

[Hannibal Heyes]

hey hannibal heyes  

i did experience something similar. twice, my ex has sent a friend request only to delete it a few hours later. theres not much sense to be made of this. the way i see it there are two options. it could be a method to bait you to contact him. it could have been legitimate longing to contact you, followed by a swing to longing to block you.

how are you feeling as a result?

I am feeling fine. When it happened I switched between feeling sad and angry. I reminded myself regardless what he does or how he feels,  my love for him is unconditional, the only thing is I am not running after him anymore nor do I feel guilty that I left. I miss him every day, but I had to set boundaries. Through another account I saw that he is catching up with the guy who was in the background when we were together, it saddens me, but it doesn't destroy me. I know who I am, I gave him all, he took it all. I am a teacher and perhaps that's the reason I could handle him so well (reasoning with a toddler and teenagers)and it was a lot  heavy drugabuse, psychoses, mental clinics, all the works.  I am fine, I miss him, and I am curious to the reason for the request and blocking.  Thanks for your replies

[Hannibal Heyes]

He may have found potential supply.

My ex did this once. Sent me a message and blocked me when I responded 6 hours later. Turns out she got a "boyfriend" in that time.

Lol. It wouldnt surprise me. Although the time between the request and me checking was less than two minuten. .I try to see it as a postive thing. If he were indifferent why take the trouble ☺

[Fr4nz]

He wants a reaction from you.

[Hopeful83]

He wants a reaction from you.

I agree. When I first broke up with my ex, I removed him off all social media and he followed suit. Yet one day a couple of weeks later he 'liked' a couple of my photos on Instagram, and then removed the likes immediately. There was no other explanation for this behaviour.

[Hannibal Heyes]

He wants a reaction from you.

Do you think so? Then why blocking me, the one who was always there (not hand and foot, I said no when I had to) and was firma when necessary and keeping in touch with the one who already had a relationship and supposedly meant far less to him than me. It sounds maybe that I am still hooked. In a way I am, but not that it will get the better of me. Thanks for respondent.  I appreciate that a lot.

[Fr4nz]

He wants a reaction from you.

Do you think so? Then why blocking me, the one who was always there (not hand and foot, I said no when I had to) and was firma when necessary and keeping in touch with the one who already had a relationship and supposedly meant far less to him than me. It sounds maybe that I am still hooked. In a way I am, but not that it will get the better of me. Thanks for respondent.  I appreciate that a lot.

Maybe he wants you to contact him, or he just wants to "punish" you for some reason... .

For sure this is a behaviour done in order to get your attention.

[Hannibal Heyes]

He wants a reaction from you.

Do you think so? Then why blocking me, the one who was always there (not hand and foot, I said no when I had to) and was firma when necessary and keeping in touch with the one who already had a relationship and supposedly meant far less to him than me. It sounds maybe that I am still hooked. In a way I am, but not that it will get the better of me. Thanks for respondent.  I appreciate that a lot.

Maybe he wants you to contact him, or he just wants to "punish" you for some reason... .

For sure this is a behaviour done in order to get your attention.

It is in a way sad. He has my heart for a great part. For people struggling. Things can get better. If a relationship like this is meant to be, it will happen. But take care of yourself first. That's what I did.

[Schermarhorn]

He may have found potential supply.

My ex did this once. Sent me a message and blocked me when I responded 6 hours later. Turns out she got a "boyfriend" in that time.

Lol. It wouldnt surprise me. Although the time between the request and me checking was less than two minuten. .I try to see it as a postive thing. If he were indifferent why take the trouble ☺

Just because she sent you a request, that doesn't mean he is not talking to several other people at the same time.

[Hannibal Heyes]

He may have found potential supply.

My ex did this once. Sent me a message and blocked me when I responded 6 hours later. Turns out she got a "boyfriend" in that time.

Lol. It wouldnt surprise me. Although the time between the request and me checking was less than two minuten. .I try to see it as a postive thing. If he were indifferent why take the trouble ☺

Just because she sent you a request, that doesn't mean he is not talking to several other people at the same time.

And that's fine wether I like it or not, his actions and feelings are beyond my control. I was and am curious as to his reason,  but it won't give me the pain the way it did in the past.

[once removed]

i think you have the right attitude about this hannibal heyes. we can only speculate; the only person you can control is you. nice job 

[MSNYC]

Seriously what did pwBPD do before they could use social media to toy with us? Like how different would this forum have looked in 1990?

Mine is all about the Instagram for this kind of stuff. Maybe social media is a blessing - keeps me from showing up at our door?

[Hannibal Heyes]

i think you have the right attitude about this hannibal heyes. we can only speculate; the only person you can control is you. nice job 

Thanks a lot. It's a challenge. An every day challenge. For me the concept of unconditional love for him, taken care of myself and a lot lot of humor turned a dream and a nightmare into a rich experience. Thanks for your replies

[Fr4nz]

He wants a reaction from you.

Do you think so? Then why blocking me, the one who was always there (not hand and foot, I said no when I had to) and was firma when necessary and keeping in touch with the one who already had a relationship and supposedly meant far less to him than me. It sounds maybe that I am still hooked. In a way I am, but not that it will get the better of me. Thanks for respondent.  I appreciate that a lot.

Maybe he wants you to contact him, or he just wants to "punish" you for some reason... .

For sure this is a behaviour done in order to get your attention.

It is in a way sad. He has my heart for a great part. For people struggling. Things can get better. If a relationship like this is meant to be, it will happen. But take care of yourself first. That's what I did.

And you did the right thing! 

[Hannibal Heyes]

He may have found potential supply.

My ex did this once. Sent me a message and blocked me when I responded 6 hours later. Turns out she got a "boyfriend" in that time.

You were right...