Can't Cope With My BPD Partnr

[findlay]

Hi,

My partner shows all the signs of BPD.

Had I known the signs of BPD seven years ago when i met her I probably could have avoided 7 years of hell.

I should have known better when she told me that she had been sexually abused by her grandfather when she was 11.

I should have known better when she told me that she used to have fierce arguments with her first husband who committed suicide by slitting his throat during a period of separation.

I should have known better when she told me she used to have furious arguments with her mother who in frustration used to call her a bugger of hell.

I should have known better when she told me her second husband was bipolar and alcoholic and tries to smother her with a pillow.

But the fact is I didn't and now I'm paying the price - a relationship that's defined by daily melodramas devoid of any emotional intimacy.

Should i leave - probably but there are the 2 cats and a dog I love dearly to consider. What am i going to do?

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, findlay, and

I'm so sorry for all of the troubles you have been dealing with regarding your partner, but very happy that you have found us! Everyone on the Staying Board can certainly commiserate with the drama you are experiencing, and are here to offer their experiences and thoughts... .Of course, no one can really decide whether you should leave her or try to work it out except yourself, but if you check out the links to the right-hand side of this page, you will find the information you need to get a better handle on that decision.

It sure does sound like your partner has had a very traumatic past, and I'm sure her behaviors are reflective of that... .Do you still love her? Is there anything positive in your relationship (besides the pets   )? When you read "Before you can make anything better, you must stop making it worse" and The Lessons, you will get a much better understanding of how her mind works, and what you can do to improve your relationship with her. I'd really like to encourage you to read all you can on this site, so you can get a good idea of your next step... .We are here to help, findlay