RTC: does and don'ts for support people

[Parents! Get help here!]

Since I joined bpdfamily.com, my 23 year old daughter's psychiatrist called in me, her Mom, Mom's boyfriend (she lives with them) and Grandma.  Her message: my daughter is about a year out from the completion of her brain development with no chance of squeezing in all the intervention needed become a functioning adult in spite of her extremely high IQ.   Without an RTC, she has a greater chance of completing a successful suicide than of leading a contented life with good relationships.

We hired a recommended Placement Consultant right away, but days after my daughter had a very uplifting meeting with her, she spiraled downward and within an hour, went from helping Grandma with chores, to nervous about leaving to panicked about not being able to reach support people, to severely hostile, to slashing her wrists 20 or 30 time with a  razor blade and driving herself to emergency while bleeding all over her car.  It was not a suicide attempt.  She cut around her tattoos and went in only deep enough to cause lots of pain and ease her anger, despair and fear at being out of control of her own life yet again.

We totally agree with her Doctor.  :)BT once to twice a week and med therapy is helping, but she has so far to go.  She is also diagnosed bipolar and freely admits that she is an alcoholic.  Add some 10 year old unresolved PTSD, and you soon see the need for 12 Steps and DBT around the clock.

So we are all on board here and I am wondering if resources exist to help the rest of us cope with RTC and be of maximum support before, during and with after care.  For the 25% of the time that she is actively and unwittingly destroying her life, she spends the other 75% being one of the most intelligent, compassionate and spiritually centered human being I have known.  We see this young woman making a huge impact on the World -- probably helping those still suffering, or imploding.  We pray for the former and want to play our limited RTC role as best we can.   Thanks!

[Mseltz]

Since I joined bpdfamily.com, my 23 year old daughter's psychiatrist called in me, her Mom, Mom's boyfriend (she lives with them) and Grandma.  Her message: my daughter is about a year out from the completion of her brain development with no chance of squeezing in all the intervention needed become a functioning adult in spite of her extremely high IQ.   Without an RTC, she has a greater chance of completing a successful suicide than of leading a contented life with good relationships.

We hired a recommended Placement Consultant right away, but days after my daughter had a very uplifting meeting with her, she spiraled downward and within an hour, went from helping Grandma with chores, to nervous about leaving to panicked about not being able to reach support people, to severely hostile, to slashing her wrists 20 or 30 time with a  razor blade and driving herself to emergency while bleeding all over her car.  It was not a suicide attempt.  She cut around her tattoos and went in only deep enough to cause lots of pain and ease her anger, despair and fear at being out of control of her own life yet again.

We totally agree with her Doctor.  :)BT once to twice a week and med therapy is helping, but she has so far to go.  She is also diagnosed bipolar and freely admits that she is an alcoholic.  Add some 10 year old unresolved PTSD, and you soon see the need for 12 Steps and DBT around the clock.

So we are all on board here and I am wondering if resources exist to help the rest of us cope with RTC and be of maximum support before, during and with after care.  For the 25% of the time that she is actively and unwittingly destroying her life, she spends the other 75% being one of the most intelligent, compassionate and spiritually centered human being I have known.  We see this young woman making a huge impact on the World -- probably helping those still suffering, or imploding.  We pray for the former and want to play our limited RTC role as best we can.   Thanks!

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, Mseltz & it's good to see you back... .I'm so sorry for your daughter's troubles and dysregulations, but happy that she is receiving professional help and that there is a plan for her continued Therapies. Please know that once someone accepts that she has a problem, decides to get help for it, and then gets that help, things can really get a lot better. I truly wish that for your daughter... .

We have a "Child Board" here on Parenting a Child with BPD at the very top of the threads page (and here: Archive: Hospitalization, RTCs, and IOPs), and you will find lots of information in the threads there from parents who have been in your shoes. I do really recommend it so you can see if it answers your questions about RTCs.

Also, there are lots of current members who have dealt with the same problems that you are going through right now--including the beginning process you are going through with the RTC decisions--and I'm sure they will be on board to give you the benefit of their experiences. You are in the right place, Mseltz, and we are here for you 

[lbjnltx]

How involved you are during her RTC process will depend on the structure of the program.  Will you have family therapy via Skype or phone?

Will the RTC give you study/reading material to help you learn the same skills she is learning?  Modeling the skills for your daughter is highly valuable and will help you immensely.

We have resources here that can help you learn and practice DBT skills and there are workbooks that you can purchase as well. Attending Alanon meetings can help with the 12 step support for yourself and your daughter.

Does the facility have an aftercare program for their graduates?  What does that look like?

And last and certainly not least... .is your daughter committed to inpatient care and staying/working the program?

lbj

[bpdmom1]

We are very happy with the RTC that our educational consultant found for our d17.

www.strugglingteens.com/. We just came back from parent challenge and all I can say is WOW!