Raging aging mother

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi! My mother I believe is an undiagnosed borderline! She is aging and she can't control her raging at me anymore ! When she was married she didn't focus so much on me but when my stepfather died she tried to attach herself to me, as it was my job to make her happy, she has a way to make you feel sorry for her and I did so when I was a young naive girl who wanted the love of my mom... My dad had to run away from her, but I couldn't so I bought into feeling sorry for her and that's how I was controlled! She has undermined me for years with my daughters but I didn't want to face it because she knew how to be nice to me when needed but now I'm to blame for everything! Because I have gone no contact and drew boundaries she has smeared me to death and seems to get people to do her bidding for her! I'm angry and don't ever want to be abused by her anymore, I don't even want to go her funeral! Has anyone woke up like me this late in life?

[Onya]

Hi! My mother I believe is an undiagnosed borderline! She is aging and she can't control her raging at me anymore ! When she was married she didn't focus so much on me but when my stepfather died she tried to attach herself to me, as it was my job to make her happy, she has a way to make you feel sorry for her and I did so when I was a young naive girl who wanted the love of my mom... My dad had to run away from her, but I couldn't so I bought into feeling sorry for her and that's how I was controlled! She has undermined me for years with my daughters but I didn't want to face it because she knew how to be nice to me when needed but now I'm to blame for everything! Because I have gone no contact and drew boundaries she has smeared me to death and seems to get people to do her bidding for her! I'm angry and don't ever want to be abused by her anymore, I don't even want to go her funeral! Has anyone woke up like me this late in life?

[Kwamina]

Hi Onya

Welcome to bpdfamily and to answer your question, for many of our members it has taken a long time to 'awaken' from the 'fantasy world' they were living in. For me it happened 5 years ago after an extreme episode with both my uBPD mom and sis which dramatically knocked me out of denial. When you've lived a certain way for a very long time, it can be quite difficult to make a radical change, especially since you might not even realize or are in denial about how dysfunctional the family dynamics actually are.

I understand your anger. Being abused isn't pleasant at all and you have the right to protect yourself by setting boundaries. How long have you been no contact with your mom?

I am sorry you have been dealing with this for so long. How old were you when your stepdad died?

You also mention your dad, do you mean your biological dad? If so, do you still have contact with him?

Take care