My Crazy Journey towards sanity

[filicia]

I'm fine until i see him and then i walk over and talk to him and then invite him over and then get ignored the next day.I know better, but the dreams and hopes and the memories of the first 3 years are still lingering and the loneliness is well lonely, i'm a fixer and somehow believe that if you show someone you care that somehow things will turn out ok, but i end up feeling sad and overwelmed by the ignorance.

Will he ever change, did he ever love me, is he cheating, is he lying again, it's only by the Grace of God that im still ok.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[an0ught]

HI  filicia,

Will he ever change, did he ever love me, is he cheating, is he lying again, it's only by the Grace of God that im still ok.

pwBPD like anyone else can to a degree change if they put themselves to the task. The question of course is whether that will happen.


I'm getting that you had a 3 year relationship and now are somehow broken up or in low contact?

i'm a fixer and somehow believe that if you show someone you care that somehow things will turn out ok

A lot depends on how we fix and support - itt if VERY easy to get it wrong and make matters worse. E.g. trying to make matters better and showing the upside are invalidating, tend to meet resistance and just solidify negativity. Addressing sadness it a skillful manner can make a huge difference. Have you seen the LESSONS and the workshops on validation?

,

a0

[waverider]

Without comprehensive knowledge of BPD, it is almost certain that our attempts at rescuing a pwBPD will almost always fail if not even entrench the behavior.

It is usually necessary to work though our own rescuer needs amongst others so that we can be of more appropriate support. There is a lot we can do, but we need help and gudance as much of it flies in the face of what seems natural.