How does your BPD partner handle the situation of you being/becoming sick?

[init]

My history of illness happened about 7 yrs ago.

For me it is not a happy memory becoming ill but worse not being helped by upwBPD at the time.

One stage I couldn't get out of the chair without a lot of assistance,,we had two under 5 yrs and she would just go out and leave me and the kids in the house... .I asked her not to go... .but I was weak... and she just went anyway... .

Further experiences include getting angry having to go to hospital or consultations with me... getting angry at Drs when I recieved poor long term prognosis... .

Since a long time I try not to involve her at all with regards to seeing a dr or even talking about it much... .as what is the point I think to myself...

What are other members experiences when it comes to illness... and how do you best cope with such situations.?

My illnesses are ongoing... and I live in full knowledge of my mortality... .now I would rather go to hospital if I become very sick or dying... rather than be at home.

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[Chilibean13]

Thankfully I"m not someone who gets sick very often. My uBPD's response is directly correlated to my physican symptoms. If I have a fever and look/sound miserable, he lets me sleep or comforts me. He doesn't really do any "caretaking" such as making me soup, cooking meals, take care of the house though.  If it's something less noticeable, such as aches and pains or mild discomfort, I get no sympathy or assistance.

Now when he is sick, if I don't respond appropriately he feels rejected and hurt that I don't rub his stomach or his head or feed him.

[tarantula17]

I have fibromyalgia and am sick a lot. I learned he tells people things like I don't communicate with him when I am feeling off, but I did incessantly because he would think me being sick meant I didn't want to be around him or he had wronged me somehow. He will care for the kids and be very loving sometimes when he recognizes I am not feeling well, and other times I feel even worse because he will go into an emotional high and I barely have any strength or energy to deal with it and try to diffuse it.

[steev]

Boy, this is prime opportunity to share my experience with being sick yourself and how the BPD partner behaves. Usually, with something like food poisoning, coming down with a cold etc. I am informed that "you are just making yourself sick" and then when it is apparent that you are not well it turns into no-contact. Grumpy about it too. It's "stay away from me, don't want you to MAKE me sick, sleep in the guest room".

The epitome of this is when I had a nasty flu for about 3 days and was basically laid out. Slept and medicated myself with Tylenol for the horrible headache and joint pain I was having and I think the fever was making me dizzy also. I was "locked down" in the guest room for 3 days, slept a lot, managed to get into the kitchen once a day for something I could stand to eat and liquids.

My wife did not check in with me once those 3 days, in fact I only saw her once walking down the hall one afternoon through a door ajar a few inches. Didn't want to seem pitiful so I did not "ask" for anything. Day four I was feeling good enough to go to the kitchen then to the couch and watch TV. She walks  into the room and says "it's about time you woke up". Geez.

I was seeing a therapist at the time addressing how to manage my behavior and strategies living with a BPD wife. She put it this way:

You triggered your wife's abandonment trauma when you are sick. You are not "there" "not viable" "not helpful" to her. "It is her way to cope with those feelings." Okay, that sounds like a reasonable explanation, but she (therapist) had no answer to how I can deal with this behavior and circumstance. I think because there isn't one!

[init]

Steev.

Yes your experiences mirror mine... .something to remember for nons... if you get real sick get to the hospital... .rely on friends relatives neighbors anyone... in other words if you get a chance let other people know so they will check on you... .

... .you could easily get stuck so sick in a dire situation... . I reckon your right it must trigger abandonment in their mind and they can't cope shutting it out... .it's also a real issue if you are ongoing sick... .