Need support. Feeling awful.

[Blackhound]

Sorry, I don't know where else to turn for support. Feel like hell. Briefly, I learned later in life that my mother had "Borderline Personality Disorder." I mean, the way she interacted with me as an only child was clear, but I didn't know there was a term for it. I only figured it out after I had a revelation when I realized a lot of the women I've had serious relationships with also had BPD. Was like a "Wow" moment. Two years ago I had to go home to take care of my mom because she was dying of pancreatic cancer. The combination of that, plus the dementia and the BPD was the unbelievably roughest thing I ever went through in my life. I recently fell in love, and I guess I have some kind of mental block that keeps me from not seeing that I'm repeating the same patterns and getting in relationships with women who have BPD. I honestly just realized my new girlfriend must also have BPD, when the signs should have been so clear months ago. I love her and deeply empathize with her just like I have with all the other women who have to struggle with BPD. But she raged against me horribly last night and has completely devalued me in her mind over nothing I could control and I'm feeling so terribly heartbroken, empty and alone. What am I doing? Am I just unconsciously trying to find women struggling like my mother did and try to make them happy? Can I? And when I don't do I have to go through such such emotional hell? Sorry, totally lost here. Thanks for listening.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Rapt Reader]

Hello, Blackhound &

I'm so sorry for all the pain you are in, and all the troubles you are having with your girlfriend... .A lot of the details you have given about your Mom and your girlfriend do sound familiar to everyone on this Board. You've come to the right place 

Your questions are good ones, and I'd like to encourage you to check out the links to the right-hand side of this page, and to tell us more of your story: How long have you been with your girlfriend? Do you live together? Close by? Do you see her often? Are things mostly good between the two of you, or is it tense a lot of the time?

Everyone on the Staying Board is in a relationship that sounds like yours, and they are here for each other to benefit from everyone's experiences, and advice on how to make things better... .We're here for you, too, Blackhound 

[formflier]

 



I want to join Rapt Reader in welcoming you.  Also to let you know that you are not alone.  Doubtful my Mom would qualify as BPD... .but there are some traits... .she can be a bit high maintenance.  I was an only kid.

I'm sure that affected my choices in a mate... .and... .as you have discovered... .we sometimes will pick people that have emotional issues that we are "used to".

You have found a safe place to learn about this... .and to receive some guidance on how to make things better... .one step at a time.

Your relationship can get better! 

How does that sound?

FF

[Blackhound]

Thank you so much Rapt Reader and formflier. It was enough to just get a reply and not feel alone in all this. I will check out all the other info on this site and I'm sure that will help too. Thanks so much again!

[Grey Kitty]

Welcome!

Can you tell us a bit more about your new girlfriend? How long have you been with her? Are you living together?

Is there something specific about your relationship you would like start with to change or work on?