Looking for others with husbands with BPD

[Depression = 72% of members]

Howdy!

I'm looking to connect with other nonBPD wives.  Help affirming my healthy boundaries.  Tools to apply when the crazy-making is rampant.

Thanks!

LotusGirl

[LotusGirl]

Howdy!

I'm looking to connect with other nonBPD wives.  Help affirming my healthy boundaries.  Tools to apply when the crazy-making is rampant.

Thanks!

LotusGirl

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[hollycat]

I have a BPDH but we are currently separated after 2 years of marriage and a 3  year relationship. Not sure how much help I will be, but I will be glad to talk to you.  I certainly wished I had found this board before the blow up which led to the separation.

[LilMe]

Welcome! 

You will find great support here!  I am 10 years with my uBPDh and still struggling.

I would love to hear about your boundaries!  What has worked, what hasn't, how it went, etc.  I haven't had much success!  Constantly trying to learn how to improve.

[mazes]

Hello!  I have been with uBPDh for 17 years.  I have only recently discovered BPD and things are making more sense but I am really struggling with boundaries and putting myself first.  I have spent the past 17 years putting all my resources into making hubby happy.  I would love to connect with other women like you.  We need all the support we can get!

[Hope26]

Welcome, LotusGirl!  I have been married to my uBPDh for 8 years; we've been together 9 years.  Thanks mainly to things I've learned on this site, I am doing better dealing with his rages.  He is also having them less frequently, maybe as a result.  Like you and others here, I am now struggling mainly with boundaries and developing a stronger sense of self.  As you said, we need all the support we can get, and this website is it for me.  I don't have anyone who knows me personally that I can really confide in when I am troubled, so this helps a lot.

[kairorose]

my boyfriend of 3 years had Borderline PD. He is untreated, unmedicated. All he does for it is occasionally talk with his therapist, and smoke weed to calm his nerves. Does anyone else have a man who is BPD and suffers from anxiety and ADHD?  its not fun. What keeps me in sometimes is the FOG, but also lots of love for him ( he can be incredibly sweet and sensitive) ... .it got better when I made him go to anger management meetings, but ofcourse he got into a fight with a member and never went back ... .anyway I read the book... women who love too much,,,which addressed my codependency in the relationship. I too struggle with boundaries because he throws the biggest scariest tantrums when he doesn't get what he wants... .but got better after reading the book. I learned to focus more on me and my needs ( keeping my sanity) and letting him be himself and not always "rescuing him" from life... .I cant imagine anyone learning from that.

[ColdEthyl]

Hello and welcome!

I am married to my diagnosed BPD husband for 2 years this Saturday, together for 5. When I first came to this site a year ago, I was so lost, confused and hurt I didn't know what to do or if I could even stay in my marriage. After learning the lessons here, things have improved quite a bit. The rages have cut down, communication is better, my boundaries are respected, and the name calling has stopped.

We are still a work in progress, and I suspect with these relationship that is always the case. But we have way more good days than bad now. The key for us has been changing the way I say things (not JADEing is huge) and active listening.

[Chilibean13]

Welcome Lotus

My husband is uBPD. We have been together for 11 years. I've been pretty sure he has BPD for awhile but I've never really considered much until the past few weeks. Not going to lie--I thought making it official in my mind would help but I instead find myself grieving over what I hoped by life would be and angry knowing what it's going to continue to be. But then we have a good day together and I remember that I want it to work out.

You'll find lots of support here. And learn lots of new tools and ways of interacting.

[SurfNTurf]

Me too, ditto all of the above, I'm at work and have to get back on duty but will c heck in.