I guess this explains why I was the first ...

[Creativum]

In his frantic search for my replacement, my ex happened upon someone I know.  He doesn't know we're acquainted.  Anyway, they chatted online, and my acquaintance, like most normal people, didn't make the online chat a 24/7 priority.  My ex flipped.  Because my acquaintance didn't respond within an "acceptable" time frame, my ex went off the rails, talking about how he's sick and how could a person treat another person like that.

Oh boy.

Methinks he's not going to find another replacement so quickly.  It also explains why he hasn't had a relationship that's lasted longer than ours, or a relationship that was as accepting and accommodating as ours.  His relationships don't ever get off the ground in the first place.  Usually it's a couple of weeks of occasional dates, with sex on the first date, and then, when the other person doesn't respond/react/reciprocate/adulate according to BPD protocol, he loses his sh*t and they drop him. 

I suppose he got lucky this time around that he got involved with someone who is a natural empath and also deals with emotionally difficult people on a daily basis.  There just ain't that many of us out there who can put up with someone like him.  He dysregulates RAPIDLY.  I wish him well, but if I'm going to be successful helping others (I'm not a therapist, btw), then I need to conserve my energy for my professional life.

[once removed]

hey creativum 

i cant help but feel like the obvious question here is: so what is different about you? why did you put up with him when others dont?

[Creativum]

hey creativum  

i cant help but feel like the obvious question here is: so what is different about you? why did you put up with him when others dont?

Codependency reared its ugly head again.  He found me when I was down and out, with low self-esteem, and I needed to be needed.  And I excused a number of his behaviors and chocked them up to his other issues (with which I am quite familiar professionally).  I overlooked the real problem, even though I saw it clear as day due to my relationship experiences with a pwBPD a decade ago.  And because of the field I'm employed in and the demographic I work with, I've become accustomed to "never giving up" on someone.  I'm working through this (again) with my therapist.  

[once removed]

thats very honest of you, creativum, and i commend you for seeking a therapist to examine these things, you will make good progress 

id been single for three years before my uBPDex, and thought id really made peace with myself and past relationships, learned my lessons, etc. i think i had made some progress, other areas i wasnt even aware of needed a lot of work.

you say codependency reared its ugly head again. is this a pattern in your relationships?

[Creativum]

thats very honest of you, creativum, and i commend you for seeking a therapist to examine these things, you will make good progress 

id been single for three years before my uBPDex, and thought id really made peace with myself and past relationships, learned my lessons, etc. i think i had made some progress, other areas i wasnt even aware of needed a lot of work.

you say codependency reared its ugly head again. is this a pattern in your relationships?

Nope.  Just once, my first relationship, with a very very very violent pwBPD, and I kid you not when I say I very narrowly escaped death.  I had no choice but to seek serious therapy after that.  After that?  I had pretty good relationships.  Some with run-of-the-mill a*sholes, some with nice folks that just didn't work out. But therapy, just like immunizations, sometimes requires a "booster" dose to keep us protected.  Ain't no shame in that!

[myself]

I've become accustomed to "never giving up" on someone.  

I'm working through this (again) with my therapist.  

Helping make sure to never 'give up' on yourself again.