He's letting our family crumble and just doesn't care...

[luckey509]

Hi,  My husband of 10 years has recently been diagnosed with BPD, general anxiety disorder, general aggressive disorder, just to name a few. He's has lost his job, again, uncontrollably spends, eats everything in sight, schemes to get us money because it is easier than working, hates to be home but does not want to leave the house either. He is currently on Respedone, which helps his mood, but that's about it. Willing to go to therapy, but afraid to leave the house. I am very alone at this point with the exception of our 4 year old little boy. I love my husband, but if it was not for our son, I may have left him by now. He can be very intense and straight up mean. He is verbally abusive to me and it really breaks my heart. Please don't misconstrue, I am a pretty tough person. I can handle almost anything, but right now with him refusing to work, this I cannot seem to fix. I am not even sure what I am asking of this group, maybe just seeking someone to relate to. Please do not give me a list of books to read or articles, I completely understand his disorder and what my life with him is destined to be like because of it. I am seeking a haven to vent where i do not have to be embarrassed or ashamed that I am with him. Any advice is appreciated. Thank you for listening.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[letmeout]

Welcome luckey509.

We understand where you are coming from as everyone has walked in your shoes. Its not an easy life living with someone who has a number of mental issues. My big concern is, does he verbally/physically abuse your 4 year old?

It is very hard on children to be in an environment with an adult who can not control their own emotions. 

[babyducks]

Hi luckey509,

Welcome.   You can safely express your feelings here.  No one will judge you.   Your situation is difficult, it would be very distressing to try and maintain a family, a home and cope with a husband with mental health issues.  Even the strongest person would start to show signs of cracking under that load.  You have a lot on your plate.

You are right, of course there are articles and lessons here, the lesson are always in the box on the right hand side of the screen.   They are self paced.   You can work through them, or not as you decide.    It makes a great deal of sense to me that you would want a respite from all of that for a while.

My partner has a dual diagnosis of bipolar 1 and BPD.   While she is doing very well right now, it makes our relationship more challenging in many ways.   I too have been the recipient of some intense verbal abuse and chaotic thinking.

If you don't mind me asking, are you finding time for any self care?  I can understand how it would be wickedly difficult to eat well, get decent sleep, exercise or take your son to the park.   I found for me it was helpful to carve out pockets of time and space for peace and quiet for me.   Even 15 minutes helps.



'ducks

[Butterfly12]

You are not alone. I'm so sorry to hear you are going through this too.