His new "lady friend"

[MSNYC]

I hung out with a common friend of ours the other day. She told me my ex is seeing someone new. (He had told me this as well - we are LC). Apparently he met her at a strip club where he goes occasionally to hang out and buy drugs. She is MUCH younger than him and (she said this, even though I know it's petty) she's not conventionally attractive.

She told me that he's really ashamed of her - he doesn't take her out with friends, and he tells friends they are just having sex and partying together, it's not a serious thing.

I know with me, after we got serious (we had a nice relatively stable relationship before he unraveled after a year of dating) he would always invite me out with friends, be affectionate to me around people, etc etc. Basically like a normal boyfriend.

I suppose pwBPD can have long periods of being stable? and then when the fog hits they end up doing coke with 20-something strippers they don't respect?

[shatra]

I know with me, after we got serious (we had a nice relatively stable relationship before he unraveled after a year of dating) he would always invite me out with friends, be affectionate to me around people, etc etc. Basically like a normal boyfriend.

===== He may have unraveled after the year of stability since it's hard for them to stay close to someone they care about. ANd they toss their drama into the stabiility of a relationship with someone stable.  They fear they'll lose you, so once they get attached, and it would then hurt more to lose you, they unravel and push you away, which hurts less than you leaving them. Which is what they think will happen anyway

I suppose pwBPD can have long periods of being stable? and then when the fog hits they end up doing coke with 20-something strippers they don't respect?

-----He may have been mirroring your stability the first year and then his mask fell off.  They often do a "downgrade" after breaking up----the person he's having sex with now is a "sure bet"----someone  who is less likely to leave him  than a higher-functioning, stable person (who he believes is more likely to leave him)

[Learning Fast]

shatra---ditto in my case.  It was textbook BPD---she pushed away with the most force at the point where we had become the most attached.  One the last times we were intimate I mentioned that this was probably as close as we had ever been---she completely froze on the spot---it was beyond surreal.

Since the emotional void was so broad and deep when we parted, I figured (after becoming educated on BPD from this site) that she would seek out anybody to fill the emptiness.  Sure enough ten days later she had hooked up with someone---definitely a downgrade and a LDR to boot (which will not work for her).  It was simply a situation where need met opportunity---it truly could have been anyone.

[wellnowonder]

My soon to be exBPDh is and has been living w/ a lady 10 plus years on me for almost 3 months now.  I talked to MIL this weekend and when she asked him if he had a gf (I had told her about this woman a few weeks ago) he gave her the woman's first legal name he was so ashamed to tell her name that everybody knows her as.  MIL already knew and looked up the woman so knew her real name anyhow.  She's embarassed of the woman and admitted he had to be embarassed too since he couldn't tell her the name everybody around here knows.  MIL knows her parents and family and what a mess they are and although she doesn't know the new gf, she is already ashamed.  ExBPDh is obviously ashamed too.  Think he is hiding out from all friends and family w/ this one.  His brother says exBPDh will stay w/ anything that will let him and apparently that's the truth.

I have never heard of the woman until finding out ex was dating her and everybody and their momma, including his, says she is trash.  After letting a guy she's known a week or two move in with her and her two daughters move in with her, I can only imagine the same.  Downgrade for sure.