It ended today

[wakingfirst]

Hi Everyone,

I've been away from this website for several months, as I struggled to find ways to keep my 30 yr. friendship with an ex with BPD going.  I kept thinking I'd worked out a strategy, only for the strategy to fail as my ex behaved erratically, hurtfully.  Finally, last month, he did something that caused me so much pain, I actually knew right away that that had to be the end.  But I've spent the last month trying to make that not true - appealing to his better nature, bargaining like mad, looking for friends who'd support me in trying to keep him in my life (and finding none, by the way).  Tonight, I put my cards on the table with my ex as clearly and un-histrionically as I could.  And, wow.  Just an hour ago, I received the most vicious email from him.  Vicious and nonsensical and full of lies.  I'm reeling.  It's really over now.

I'll post the whole story here, at some point, but right now it's all too fresh.  I know I'll be okay, know this is for the best.  But even so, there's no way you can read a letter like that from someone you have deeply loved and not have the wind knocked out of you.  So, there we are.  I'm here with all of you, and thank you for being here with me.  More soon. 

[cloudten]

   

I know how much it hurts... .you aren't crazy for feeling that way. you are normal and justified for feeling the way you feel.

We are here. I am sorry it's over... .and also not sorry its over. Its the beginning of a new time for you.

You will be okay!  It will be a while... .but you will be okay again. You will breathe again... .

I look forward to your story when you are ready.