Tonight is a bad night

[kyon147]

With 11 days NC I thought I was doing well and had decided I would move on and stuff.

Boy was I wrong with my feelings tonight. I just miss her and all the little good things we used to do. I am feeling just so lonely and even speaking to friends is bot helping.

It's taking ever fibre of my being to not speak to her and see how she is and to tell her I miss her.

I am scared she will forget about me and the 4 years are just wasted time.

[Anez]

I know it sucks and I know exactly what you're going through. just get through the moment, be good to yourself, be your best friend. do good things for yourself.

I'm a week into NC and we work together. So I briefly see her throughout the day but from a distance and we don't talk. we used to always talk. I hate not talking with her and I hate thinking how she's moved on and I'm working on all of this with a therapist but there are definitely sad moments at night when all I do is wish we were back to what we once were.

but all we can do is get through it and let time and help from others help us recover.

you're going to be ok. you're not alone. be strong, be sad, be emotional. it's all ok.

[juniorswailing]

I'm at day 5 and little things can set me off, then I remember how bad ir was at the end!

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

With 11 days NC I thought I was doing well and had decided I would move on and stuff.

Boy was I wrong with my feelings tonight. I just miss her and all the little good things we used to do. I am feeling just so lonely and even speaking to friends is bot helping.

It's taking ever fibre of my being to not speak to her and see how she is and to tell her I miss her.

I am scared she will forget about me and the 4 years are just wasted time.

Kyon,

I just replied to your other post. I feel the same to be honest, but what my T has told me is that when you get those thoughts. Go back and say to your self "Back to me" mentally. That way you think about yourself and your feelings. by saying that you are protecting your own feelings. It has helped a lot when I am feeling that way. Another thing to do is go do something to distract yourself . Hit the gym and go hard to release some stress. or get a buddy and go play some sport. It really helps. Hang in there man. I so know the feeling but eventually (slowly) you will get through this.

[kyon147]

With 11 days NC I thought I was doing well and had decided I would move on and stuff.

Boy was I wrong with my feelings tonight. I just miss her and all the little good things we used to do. I am feeling just so lonely and even speaking to friends is bot helping.

It's taking ever fibre of my being to not speak to her and see how she is and to tell her I miss her.

I am scared she will forget about me and the 4 years are just wasted time.

Kyon,

I just replied to your other post. I feel the same to be honest, but what my T has told me is that when you get those thoughts. Go back and say to your self "Back to me" mentally. That way you think about yourself and your feelings. by saying that you are protecting your own feelings. It has helped a lot when I am feeling that way. Another thing to do is go do something to distract yourself . Hit the gym and go hard to release some stress. or get a buddy and go play some sport. It really helps. Hang in there man. I so know the feeling but eventually (slowly) you will get through this.

I have decided that it is so hard for me because of the uncertainty, she has left it in a state of purgatory. Telling me she loves me and wants to be with me but needs time but doesnt say how much.

I have decided to message her and ask to talk so I can just try one last time for some sort of answer.

If she doesnt want to be with me, fine, i will move on. If she thinks she does but needs time fine I can wait a little while and then we re connect after some time. If not then i tried and i will make the decision of moving from her instead of waiting.

[cloudten]

I am nearly 7 weeks NC. Do yourself a favor... .just stay NC. Contact hurts. Contact hurts a lot. it will set you back. Contact with their friends hurts. You need to sever every single person related to them out of your life, off social media.

You are dodging a bullet. Her being indecisive is a gift. Embrace it. You want to be with someone healthy... .you want to be with someone who wants to be with you just as badly... .not some wishy washy, push pull demented yo-yo that will only serve to exhaust you.

You'll have good days and bad days... .but count your blessings. I am pretty darn convinced that NC is the only route out.

[Hopeful83]

I am nearly 7 weeks NC. Do yourself a favor... .just stay NC. Contact hurts. Contact hurts a lot. it will set you back. Contact with their friends hurts. You need to sever every single person related to them out of your life, off social media.

You are dodging a bullet. Her being indecisive is a gift. Embrace it. You want to be with someone healthy... .you want to be with someone who wants to be with you just as badly... .not some wishy washy, push pull demented yo-yo that will only serve to exhaust you.

You'll have good days and bad days... .but count your blessings. I am pretty darn convinced that NC is the only route out.

I second all of this advice. One of the mistakes I made at the beginning was to continue talking to a close friend of his. She was also my friend, but we then started talking everyday, and I'd cave and ask her if she knew anything about what he was doing etc. All of this just triggered me further. I don't blame myself - I was trying to make sense of something VERY complicated, but it didn't help.

Be good to you. 11 days is nothing. It takes a lot of time, but it does get easier.

Hopeful

[juniorswailing]

Stick in there bud.

A few weeks/months or ever years of heartache is better than a lifetime of misery.

[kyon147]

I tried calling her and left her a FB message to call me back once she gets it so we can just chat.

She has seen the message and instead our mutual friend has said about a middle man chat on FB. That is not what i want I dont want to have to type him things for him to pass it along and back again.

She said we can always talk and now she is backing out of it. Probably another one of her mind games?

If she does not talk to me soon I am just going to block her and that is it.

[juniorswailing]

I know it's hard, but you need to block her and leave it.

[cloudten]

I know it's hard, but you need to block her and leave it.

Please block her. Block her everywhere. You need to give you space.

[kyon147]

I know it's hard, but you need to block her and leave it.

Please block her. Block her everywhere. You need to give you space.

I got my answer from her. here it is:

I don't love you any more.

I care about you a lot, but I just don't feel the same as I used to.

I've been questioning it for a while. But I think it's been about a month.

It's purely just falling out of love with you. It's nothing you and I have done.

I'm just older, my feelings have changed and I want different things.

Now I can actually move on hopefully.

[juniorswailing]

I got the I don't love you anymore talk too.

Followed by a rambling text the following night about how she'd always be there for me.

You know how long it is since I heard from her. 

It's all crap.

[Notsurewhattothinkofthis]

I got the I don't love you anymore talk too.

Followed by a rambling text the following night about how she'd always be there for me.

You know how long it is since I heard from her. 

It's all crap.

I agree with this completely. I wouldn't be surprised she will be contacting in about 3-4 months saying that she loves you and that you did not fight for the relationship. As someone else said here,  I got the very same line the first time my uBPDex left me. It's pure craziness. Live your life, better yourself. Go have fun and hangout with your friends, go make new friends, Work out, Eat healthy. Keep reading about BPD books and educate yourself so you don't fall for the same type of people. Once you educate yourself about this decease you will know when the red flags start showing up at the very beginning of a potential toxic relationship.

[kyon147]

Thanks guys!

You are all amazing you really are regardless of if she comes back or not at least I have the closure to move on.

So when she does come back I will be ready as the best person I am of my self to be able to say no thank you.

Do you think I should still block her on FB?

[juniorswailing]

Even if we don't know each other we all have an affinity, a bond.

Anyone  that hasn't gone through this will not understand and that's why I think it's important to stay on here and be here for others.

My FB is open but I'm at least partially blocked on hers so it seems. 

Only place I have blocked her is on WhatsApp as that was her preferred method of contact. 

Up to you if you want to block her if you don't think at this point you are strong enough to resist her.

Personally I don't give a flying feck if she looks at my FB page. If she does she will see I'm doing OK without her.

[kyon147]

Even if we don't know each other we all have an affinity, a bond.

Anyone  that hasn't gone through this will not understand and that's why I think it's important to stay on here and be here for others.

My FB is open but I'm at least partially blocked on hers so it seems. 

Only place I have blocked her is on WhatsApp as that was her preferred method of contact. 

Up to you if you want to block her if you don't think at this point you are strong enough to resist her.

Personally I don't give a flying feck if she looks at my FB page. If she does she will see I'm doing OK without her.

Yeah I understand, I think I will eventually not the same night we speak and I have gotten some clarity. Would just make things mukky.

You said you got all the same stuff not loving anymore etc, how long has it been since you heard from her?

[cloudten]

Yes, block her everywhere... .simply everywhere. And any of her close friends as well.

My experience... .

scrolling down my instagram page after I thought I had everyone blocked... .a mutual friend I failed to block had posted a picture of him partying with my BPDx. It broke my heart and i spent a good 24 hours ruminating about it... .it just sucked. Fortunately it wasn't a girl and he looked like crap- but it still was like twisting the knife in my heart.

Do yourself and your mental health a favor- just block anyone and everyone - everywhere.

BTW- sidenote about ruminating. I think ruminating gets a bad rap around here. One of the things that actually helped me ease my brain was knowing that ruminating is actually NORMAL. It is a NORMAL part of the healing process- it means you are working through the pain. So don't avoid ruminating... .lean into it and realize that eventually your brain will switch to something else. I cannot tell you how freeing it was for me to realize that ruminating is normal.

[steve195915]

I tried calling her and left her a FB message to call me back once she gets it so we can just chat.

She has seen the message and instead our mutual friend has said about a middle man chat on FB. That is not what i want I dont want to have to type him things for him to pass it along and back again.

She said we can always talk and now she is backing out of it. Probably another one of her mind games?

If she does not talk to me soon I am just going to block her and that is it.

Your situation is so like what I had to endure.  The mind games they play are so debilitating.  I'm strong minded, and very secure with myself.  If she just would say its over then I can move on but they seem to keep you hanging.  Sounds like your situation.  For me I started to move on, started seeing other females, kept busy doing my things even though I was missing her terribly.  Then we ran into each other at a rec center and next thing you know she texts me and says how great it was to see me again and she had such deep feelings and she suggested we meet to talk.  Next thing you know we're back together and having the most amazing passionate sex ever.  I know a life with her will never be normal and will be filled with pain, childish behavior and arguments, verbal abuse, mind games, etc. however I can't bring myself to let her go.  My line in the sand is if I ever catch her cheating or if we officially break up and she even justs goes on a date with another guy then I am done. 

I'd like to know if you do end up blocking her, if you can maintain it.  After I initially blocked her I felt so terrible and thought things like what if she needed me or wanted to say she was sorry and wanted us back together.  I started looking on her facebook page to see what she was up too and finally ended up unblocking her.  Anyways we are back together, and I'm still dealing with her BPD but I've learned to control my emotions much better.  Realistically though we will probably break up again and if that happens I want to make sure I'm strong enough and ready to let her go.

[juniorswailing]

Even if we don't know each other we all have an affinity, a bond.

Anyone  that hasn't gone through this will not understand and that's why I think it's important to stay on here and be here for others.

My FB is open but I'm at least partially blocked on hers so it seems. 

Only place I have blocked her is on WhatsApp as that was her preferred method of contact. 

Up to you if you want to block her if you don't think at this point you are strong enough to resist her.

Personally I don't give a flying feck if she looks at my FB page. If she does she will see I'm doing OK without her.

Yeah I understand, I think I will eventually not the same night we speak and I have gotten some clarity. Would just make things mukky.

You said you got all the same stuff not loving anymore etc, how long has it been since you heard from her?

Sunday evening

[Beacher]

It's so hard, many of us feel the pain with you. Even the sounds of his voice leaving messages kills me but I will never start taking care of myself if he sucks me back into a long emotional,conversation. Stay out of the house, keep busy, I have learned to enjoy going to the movies myself! Hang in there

[Joem678]

Kyon, by you contacting her you hit the reset button on NC.  What this does is give her more ammo to be hurtful.  All she is doing is playing with your emotions.  You will here from her sooner and you will want to contact her again. I have been told "I hate you, I love someone else, I am done, I want a divorce". I'm in at about 6 weeks no contact and she is starting to get a little aggressive.    Be strong dude!  Use NC as a way of healing your mind.   Trust me you will regain control of your life.  That way when she comes back saying I love you still, you will make the right decision.   And if she doesn't, you would have healed.  I guarantee you, you put her at ease by contacting you. 

[kyon147]

I unfriended her this morning on Facebook.

It was hard really hard, even after hearing the words I dont love you anymore, i think we should move on and all those I still for some reason have hope she will change her mind and contact me.

But I dont want her to see me as a fallback anymore, I want her to realise I am going to move forward and not just wait for her.

It is really, really hard. I wonder if she will try and contact me.

[juniorswailing]

Well well. I've had a messanger request through FB from guess who!

[kyon147]

Well well. I've had a messanger request through FB from guess who!

As you said to me, ignore it. Don't take the bait.

You can find someone better

[juniorswailing]

Don't worry.

Can hardly tell you to ignore yours then get involved with mine ! 

[kyon147]

Don't worry.

Can hardly tell you to ignore yours then get involved with mine ! 

This is true, united we stand.

[juniorswailing]

As I have deleted the FB messenger message she has screen shot it into a text and sent that now.

She must think I'm in the same boat as her previous exes and

a) don't know what is going on in her life

b) will rise to the bait.

Be interesting to see where it goes next.

[kyon147]

As I have deleted the FB messenger message she has screen shot it into a text and sent that now.

She must think I'm in the same boat as her previous exes and

a) don't know what is going on in her life

b) will rise to the bait.

Be interesting to see where it goes next.

Hope you can stay strong mate. Let us know if you need any support.

[juniorswailing]

I'm going to start my own thread to save hijacking yours.