My head is spinning and its making me dizzy.

[takingmylifeback]

Yesterday I finally figured out one of the ways my BPDd keep s the pot stirred so to speak. I know that she monitors everything I do, say and write. But until yesterday couldn't quite figure some things out. So here's how it went. She pretended to be my sister, sent me a text making reference to some of my mother's belongings, which my "sister wanted returned". I replied she needed ask others because I didnt have what she wanted. My BPDd then sent the reply to my sister and indicated the message was between my youngest daughter and myself.  Then I start getting the nasty rants. Which I am getting better at filing and trying not to let the very hurtful contents get into my head. Who has time to use peoples phone numbers, pretend to be that person and then call or text that person and say the messages came from two people who dont even know its happening.  But yet are pitted against each other. Simply leaves me shaking my head.

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Kwamina]

Hi takingmylifeback

I can see why this behavior of your daughter might leave you shaking your head. It indeed is very unpleasant that she did this.

When we try to rationalize the behavior of our BPD loved ones, it can be very hard or even impossible to understand why they behave the way they do. All of this stems from the disorder, her behavior stems for her distorted thinking and perhaps in her own mind actually makes perfect sense.

Has she since stopped sending you texts or is she still at it?

[takingmylifeback]

Her texts and the content shifted from issues with my mother's death and remaining n the power position with my step-father, when my grandson sent her a request for some pictures of a ceremony  in which  my youngest daughter was going to be honored (she invited us to attend, but within 48 hours rescinded the invitation unless we could be "civil" to the BPD daughter). There has NEVER been a time when my husband and I have ever acted any way other than civil when there has been tension. So this request from the younger was disheartening. My grandson was here and asked me if I would like to have pictures of the ceremony, I said yes. He then asked his mother for them (which I didn't know he was doing).  It was about a week later when he was at my house visiting again, that I received a text from her threatening to take me to court if I didn't provide an environment for her son that was void of negative discussion about her (which I never do-I had my own experiences with that growing up so, when he is here, it's all about him and no one else).  The ex-husband then sent me the screen shots of her messages to him and the horrible accusations against us, specifically me-it used to be her dad and now it's me.  So she just shifted. Now she has shifted back to my stepfather.  As long as I didn't talk to my stepfather she left me alone.   Recently he and I had been making good progress in strengthening our relationship  and it was going well (it had been very difficult prior to my mother's death).  She and my stepfather provided an environment that enabled and encouraged her negative behavior, she was always so "helpful" and was their "go to girl" so my BPD doesn't want to give up that  and has found a new friend or ally in my sister (who is looking for a replacement for my mother).  Sorry, this is so long.  I had been trying to concentrate my efforts with my stepfather and keep our discussions about himself and I, thinking that it might help. No, not so much. My BPD sent a message to my husband

asking him to talk to me about my conversations with grandfather because they are causing him to have setbacks.  That didn't work well for her, my husband told her he didn't text and if she wanted to talk call him. She did but again didn't get what she wanted from him.

A few days later my stepfather was taken to the hospital and during a discussion with my sister and a specific comment she made about my BPD and the possibility she might be pregnant, I asked, "is she"?  Not long after that, the text's started coming in. My only response was when she could remember who she was talking too (her mother), I would be more than happy to talk with her. Because it doesn't matter how I try to clarify any misunderstanding it only makes it worse.  That may not have been the appropriate response, but I cannot take the blasting, disrespectful, nastiness that she usually sends. I don't even know how to validate this.  I am trying to take back my life and get some sort of  equilibrium back from my mother's death and the issues that resurfaced because of this very sick family system.

Now she claims I am working with her ex-husband to take her other son from her too and thinks I am trying to destroy her. The continued separation from my grandchildren has probably been the most difficult. She will let the youngest one call me long enough to say he loves and misses me and then she hangs up, and nothing no contact. Then uses that in her text messages as ways to get to me.  It's been 8 months since I have seen my youngest grandchild.

Honestly, I am very concerned for her. The last message was the most so full of hate and disdain directed toward me, that I have ever seen before. The comments were so far out there, that it's simply unbelievable.  That's the one thing that has helped me this time, not to think, wow, what   a "rhymes with witch".  I know she is very sick.

Thank you. Thats all I can say right now. Is thank you for responding.

[Kwamina]

Hi again takingmylifeback

Your daughter's behavior unfortunately does seem really problematic. It is sad she behaves this way and I can understand why you're struggling with this situation. Not being able to see your grandkids is very tough too.

I want to share some resources that I think might help you deal with some of her behaviors:

How to stop circular arguments and deal with false accusations

Dealing with hostile text/email communications

Take care