Why is it that...

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Just a rant.

Why is it that knowing that their horrible past (which is in stark contrast to yours) gave them this condition, after all of the blaming, guilting, belittling, manipulation, and pressure, after knowing that this is how each and every one of their relationships ended before you, understanding that none of this is truly your fault, hearing from all of your friends and family members that you indeed ARE better off without them, and you realizing and recognizing this fact, and after realizing that there is indeed somebody better out there for you who won't cause this immature drama and pain, that it still hurts? Why is it that you still convince yourself that it IS your fault and you look back at particular events and feel you could have/should have done something different? Why is it that when they tell you straight faced how messed up they are, they carry baggage, they thrive on drama and chaos, and they screw up every relationship, that you continue to date them? Why do you worry that the next person they find will be so much better than you and they're going to ride off happily into the sunset together, even though you know full well that their relationship will likely suffer the same fate because they will never ever change?

I was speaking with my sister about this. She dated a man with BPD, and after awhile just couldn't take it anymore and left him. She argues with me that I should be HAPPY that I don't have this stress in my life anymore, that I should consider this a blessing, and after the way she treated me I shouldn't even be spending one SECOND worrying about the past. None of it really matters, though. It still hurts. I think one of the reasons is because many of my friends and family say, "Well, I like her, BUT... ." It's the fact that they like her, they never saw the REAL her. Not one person whom I told about how this girl broke up with me thinks there's a rational or sane bone in her body. Rational people don't demand your blessing to end a relationship, and if you don't give it to them they vow to make you miserable.

Is it because of the damage they do to us? Or is it because we allowed someone to get the better of us and were made the fool? Both? Is it jealousy over losing the sex and affection they gave you? Is it because you tried to fix them and failed?

Or is it because they sunk their teeth so far into you that you just CRAVE that drama to be back in your life? I'm beginning to understand why so many of her exes seemed to crawl out of the woodwork to get her back. Even men from 10 years ago. It never clicked with me while we were dating. I thought she was just dating horrible, immature men.

After taking some time away it allows you to really look back and see the patterns and actions that expose this person for who they really are. But again, why does it still hurt?

[burritoman]

Just a rant.

Why is it that knowing that their horrible past (which is in stark contrast to yours) gave them this condition, after all of the blaming, guilting, belittling, manipulation, and pressure, after knowing that this is how each and every one of their relationships ended before you, understanding that none of this is truly your fault, hearing from all of your friends and family members that you indeed ARE better off without them, and you realizing and recognizing this fact, and after realizing that there is indeed somebody better out there for you who won't cause this immature drama and pain, that it still hurts? Why is it that you still convince yourself that it IS your fault and you look back at particular events and feel you could have/should have done something different? Why is it that when they tell you straight faced how messed up they are, they carry baggage, they thrive on drama and chaos, and they screw up every relationship, that you continue to date them? Why do you worry that the next person they find will be so much better than you and they're going to ride off happily into the sunset together, even though you know full well that their relationship will likely suffer the same fate because they will never ever change?

I was speaking with my sister about this. She dated a man with BPD, and after awhile just couldn't take it anymore and left him. She argues with me that I should be HAPPY that I don't have this stress in my life anymore, that I should consider this a blessing, and after the way she treated me I shouldn't even be spending one SECOND worrying about the past. None of it really matters, though. It still hurts. I think one of the reasons is because many of my friends and family say, "Well, I like her, BUT... ." It's the fact that they like her, they never saw the REAL her. Not one person whom I told about how this girl broke up with me thinks there's a rational or sane bone in her body. Rational people don't demand your blessing to end a relationship, and if you don't give it to them they vow to make you miserable.

Is it because of the damage they do to us? Or is it because we allowed someone to get the better of us and were made the fool? Both? Is it jealousy over losing the sex and affection they gave you? Is it because you tried to fix them and failed?

Or is it because they sunk their teeth so far into you that you just CRAVE that drama to be back in your life? I'm beginning to understand why so many of her exes seemed to crawl out of the woodwork to get her back. Even men from 10 years ago. It never clicked with me while we were dating. I thought she was just dating horrible, immature men.

After taking some time away it allows you to really look back and see the patterns and actions that expose this person for who they really are. But again, why does it still hurt?

[hopealways]

For me it hurts because the highs I experienced with her I cannot reach again, and I am addicted to that rush I felt when I would see her.

[burritoman]

For me it hurts because the highs I experienced with her I cannot reach again, and I am addicted to that rush I felt when I would see her.

I can agree with this, but conceivably if you meet the love of your life, someone without BPD and who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, you can reach that high again. Mine would pressure me for marriage, started talking about kids, etc. She would still treat me like garbage but then get violently mad that I'm not giving her what she wants by getting married, never once considering MY needs and desires. The more I backed off of the subject, that madder she'd get. But she STILL wanted marriage! I tried to discuss money with her (obviously an important topic to discuss before marriage), and she'd complain that "I'm not discussing money with you because you're not my husband yet." Just a total mindjob.

They give you a rush, yes, but I feel that being with a more rational and sane person, someone who you could live a long happy and healthy life with, will give you that rush for the rest of your life and not in temporary spurts. I was looking at one of her exes Facebook pages (her ex fiance of all people), who has recently gotten married. He looks like a happy man. It shows me that there is indeed life after her.

Although, mine gave me that rush as well. We lived cities apart, and my rush from her came from showing me a new life in a new city that I didn't know existed. One that I came to love and wanted to be a part of. I feel that her being gone takes that away from me because the association has changed and been damaged.