New here (kinda)

[awedmole]

Hello, this is my second time being a newbie here, I lost my previous access but that was like 3 years ago and my relationship with the pwBPD in my life was different then so might as well start anew.

The username comes from a generator because I was too scared of being recognizable. I'm currently struggling with feeling like I'm manipulating and gaslighting everyone in my life even though I rationally know otherwise.

I am not very well at the time being so I can't think of anything to say but thank you for reading me and I hope to help others as I know I will be helped. Thank you for reading this.

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Chilibean13]

Welcome.

I'm a little confused though. Could you please clarify? Do you feel like you are being gaslighted and manipulated or you feel like you are doing that to others?

[awedmole]

Hello Chilibean, I'm sorry I didn't reply. Things got tricky.

At the moment I was struggling because I've been gaslighted into thinking I'm gaslighting people, although I knew I wasn't/I'm not. My uBPDgf just keeps calling me a liar and saying I wanted to trick her etc. and because when I was little I suffered from abuse and was not believed (and was called a liar) it really triggered me in the "wait, maybe I *AM* a liar and manipulating them" although clearly I wasn't because there was nothing to gain for me at all, and all the things I did say that she said were lies had physical proof of not being lies.

I'm not a manipulative person because I live in constant fear of being accused of lying to cause drama, and because I've been manipulated and I don't want anyone to feel the way I've felt. So her saying those things really messed me up. Hope this makes sense.

[Chilibean13]

Ok. I get it now. Hope being here will help you grow in your own confidence and strength.